In all seriousness, having the entire cabinet act as outsiders for Cummings was the worst possible approach. If they wanted to keep him, correct strategy should have been:

•Full and frank apology from Cummings, saying he had the best interests of his child at heart, which clouded his judgement. Says he recognises that his actions risked undoing the good work of the gvt and the public, thanks Durham constabulary & other forces for their efforts

•Says he will offer his resignation to the PM

•PM welcomes the apology, says he’s spoken to Cummings who is genuinely remorseful, declines his resignation, draws a line under it, and reiterates the importance of lockdown measures.

This way:
•lockdown message isn’t diluted
•legal waters aren’t muddied
•cabinet members retain credibility— thinking particularly of eg. Sunak who’ve gained a lot of political capital since the start of the crisis
•PM looks in charge
•Cummings keeps job
•story dies faster

But of course nobody ever says sorry anymore

Outriders*, damn you autocorrect