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Serious talk time. I’ve been largely unhappy for quite some time. The bulk of that is related to work/career.
Obviously being unemployed is a huge factor. But it goes even further back than that. I can’t/won’t go into details but I left my job because I wasn’t happy with it
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Obviously being unemployed is a huge factor. But it goes even further back than that. I can’t/won’t go into details but I left my job because I wasn’t happy with it
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I would never leave a job without another one lined up, nor would I advise anyone do the same. But I knew staying would drive me further into an already deep hole of unhealthy mental well being.
I woke up in the middle of the night in Japan, knowing I couldn’t do it anymore
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I woke up in the middle of the night in Japan, knowing I couldn’t do it anymore
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As a leader, I’ll take the blame for things that went wrong. Many of those things not being in my control or my decision. Unfortunately, I simply couldn’t go on doing that.
I worked with some amazing, talented people and sadly, I don’t feel we go to show our true potential
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I worked with some amazing, talented people and sadly, I don’t feel we go to show our true potential
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It’s hard being caught in the middle. Trying to do what’s right for the community while trying to do what you’re told to do from above. That’s real life though. There’s always someone above you calling the shots.
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Thus I feel like I failed my team, the community we work so hard to nurture and grow, my family (because of the situation we’re now in), and most of all, myself.
Every day I wonder ‘what if.’
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Every day I wonder ‘what if.’
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What if I stayed? What if I had done something differently? What if I stood my ground and for this or that?
Nothing would have been perfect. I can’t satisfy everyone but maybe I could’ve made more of a difference.
The social media side drove me further into a hole
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Nothing would have been perfect. I can’t satisfy everyone but maybe I could’ve made more of a difference.
The social media side drove me further into a hole
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The absolute worst feeling in the world to me was not caring about the things you love anymore.
I took a ton of abuse online. It’s hard to ignore it all. I did my best until the point I had to shut down. There came a point I stopped caring.
That’s a terrible feeling.
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I took a ton of abuse online. It’s hard to ignore it all. I did my best until the point I had to shut down. There came a point I stopped caring.
That’s a terrible feeling.
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So I left. Walked away feeling like I didn’t leave something in a better place. Walked away feeling like a disappointment.
And I did it right before a global pandemic hit, which would turn all of the professional world upside down
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And I did it right before a global pandemic hit, which would turn all of the professional world upside down
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So here I am some months later, at a complete stand still in life. Most of the relationships I had in that career are either gone or largely on hold because everyone has to take care of themselves in these tough times. And they should because these times suck
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I do find happiness in the communities here and in streaming that have been supportive.
But I’m also balancing the crushing defeat to my ego, the weight of finances, and the uncertainty of my future
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But I’m also balancing the crushing defeat to my ego, the weight of finances, and the uncertainty of my future
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The goal here isn’t to point fingers ir shit on anyone. I had great plans for a team I put together. It didn’t work out the way I hoped. I have to accept it and move on.
The hard part right now is figuring out how to move on.
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The hard part right now is figuring out how to move on.
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I wish this story had a happier ending but it’s a work in progress.
If there’s anything I could ask of you all, it’s to be kinder to one another. You never truly know what someone is going through in life.
Those of you who are kind and check in on people, thank you.
If there’s anything I could ask of you all, it’s to be kinder to one another. You never truly know what someone is going through in life.
Those of you who are kind and check in on people, thank you.
