Legitimately scared that this "routine visit to the doctor" is how they're finally going to put the chip in me. I am a cat

They've been adding things to my food, I know. Kibble shouldn't taste like that

My water comes to me only in the bowl they provide. I've tried the tap but for some reason they don't want me in the sink. "Mask off", eh guys

[leans in with a "treat" from a small glossy bag they keep locked away]

"oh you're *adorable*! have some yummy turkey"

don't patronize me you sick scumbag, my family will come for you