CW: weight loss
So this morning I tried on a shirt and shorts I hadn’t worn in a while. They used to be baggy and now fit me quite snugly. In the space of about 10 seconds I had planned out a fitness & dietary regime while heaping loads of guilt on myself.

Guilt that I had gotten bigger, guilt that the last time I worse these shorts I said to myself “this is as big as I get”, guilt about letting my body change. And then I sat down and thought to myself - “It literally doesn’t matter?”. And it literally doesn’t matter.

So what that old pieces of crap clothing don’t fit anymore? I’ll buy myself some nice new clothes that feel comfortable & I like. So what that I’m (shock horror) bigger than I was 2/3/4 years ago? It’s almost like bodies change and that’s normal? We’re not made to stay the same.

I guess I just wanted to share because between lockdown workout routines being shoved into our faces all day, between forced before/after photos of Adele, between jokes about coming out of quarantine a “whale”, it’s a really scary and dangerous time for people, esp fat people.

Bodies are built to change. We’re not supposed to stay the same throughout our lives, body shape included. Weight gain isn’t a sign of failure and weight loss isn’t a sign of success. It’s just life happening. And it literally doesn’t fucking matter.

Un-training yourself out of societally encouraged fatphobia is fucking hard. But your worth is not measured by any kind of physical measurement, by what you can “fit into” and what you can’t. Throw that away which doesn’t serve you, including shorts that are too small.

Thank u for coming to my Ted Talk x