I'm rewatching Buffy and while I love it, I have some things to say as someone who has recently discovered she is asexual: a thread 1/20

For starters, I am still a big fan of Buffy and Joss Whedon! Badass girls and quippy dialogue and gay characters and SPIKE - I am here for it! When I first watched Buffy I devoured it so quickly, cried so much, couldn't get my brain out of Buffy for ages. 2/20

This thread is coming from a place of me discovering something about myself and also I think from binging all 5 seasons of She-Ra last weekend. They both have badass ladies but She-Ra is a kids show and somehow it being PG meant that I related to it so much more. 3/20

Some context: a few months ago, I discovered that I'm asexual (I guess this is me coming out?). For all of high school and all through university and everything else that has come since I thought that there was something seriously wrong with me. 4/20

I thought that I was broken, wrong, childish, a prude, or would grow into wanting sex. Even during periods of my life when I was having sex, I didn't seem to want it the same way as other people. A couple of years ago I even thought I might be asexual, but thought because 5/20

I was having sex I couldn't possibly be asexual. I just dismissed it. Then this year, I started seeing a lot of ace related content from authors I follow. So I looked it up, I went onto the Asexual Visibility & Education Network and I read about it. And hey presto: IT ME! 6/20

And finally I've started to feel like there isn't something wrong with me. I am the way I am and I don't need to grow into sexual attraction and I don't need to force myself to want it or pretend that I do. It's not for me, and that's TOTALLY FINE! HOORAY! 7/20

Now onto Buffy. I've just finished S3, but I've been thinking about this for a few days/weeks (what is time anymore??). I think that the show is kind of awesome for the 90s, showing that teens do want and have sex and talking about it in a way that makes that seem normal 8/20

But as someone who first watched Buffy when I was 18-19, in university, and wasn't feeling sexually attracted to people, I can totally see how it would have reinforced my belief that I was wrong and broken. Buffy definitely didn't cause that belief - but a build up of 9/20

similar messages from all the media I was consuming and the way that sex education was taught in my school reinforced it. One of the biggest things is the mechanics of Angel's "true happiness", the moment that restores his soul. It's sex. That's what "true happiness" is. 10/20

Well. Not for me. And sure for Angel it might be, but everyone in the show just gets it - they don't need to be told, all they need is the knowing wink or the awkward silence and it's clear to them that THEY MUST HAVE HAD SEX THAT'S TRUE HAPPINESS. 11/20

And watching it back, it really erases the teens/adults who felt like me. The people going: "what's so good about sex? is it something I'll grow into?" So yeah, a teen might watch that and think: I don't feel like that's true happiness there must be something wrong with me 12/20

It's not just that though, the whole show is very sex-y. Sex everywhere! Which is fine and some would say great! Sex positive yay! But every time an adult asks: Why are you so sex obsessed? Characters, especially Xander, say: Because I'm a teenager! Duh! 13/20

There is this assumption that all teenagers are interested in sex. Again, teen me was like: I'm not interested in sex, there must be something wrong with me because all teenagers love sex! Rosiee Thor said something really similar in one of her blogs about the romance genre 14/20

Sometimes the language we use can be quite exclusive to other groups of people. And Rosiee pointed out that in the romance genre it is language like: "he wanted her, how could he not, he was only human". The linking of 'human' with 'having sexual desire' can be damaging 15/20

without you even realising it. It's the same with Buffy and linking 'teenager' with 'wanting sex'. I was a teenager and I didn't want sex, but I was told that those two things went together and couldn't be separated. 16/20

Again, I love Buffy! I wanted to make this thread not to say that it's bad, but because I've only just this year realised that I'm not wrong and broken. I just have a different sexuality than other people. This isn't something I ever would have thought about before. 17/20

I think it's important when making media in the future - books, tv, movies, music, comics, art - that we remember that what we make has an impact. Put your work together with thousands of other media properties that all say something is wrong, and people will believe it 18/20

It's been happening to POC, LGBTQIA+, people with mental illness or disability forEVER. And I can't speak to any but my own experiences as a white cis ace person. But I felt that it was important to point out the kind of language that held me back from being myself. 19/20

If anyone is interested in reading someone's thoughts on this who are much more coherent than mine, check out @RosieeThor and also order her book! I will be once my local bookshop gets it in stock! Read/view/write diverse media and support local! 20/20