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I have tanned so much over the past few days and I am so in love with my skin, I am GLOWING. I have a very vivid memory of sitting in Cricklewood McDonald's with my older cousin who I really looked up to. She was the cool one of the family, the one I wanted to be like.
It was a really sunny day and we were sat by the window eating McFlurry's. She told me I shouldn't sit beside the window in the sun because I'd "get dark." Small comments like these used to make me fearful the sun growing up, it sounds silly but it's about colourism right?
I was definitely about 12/13 at the time and very impressionable. It took me ages to unlearn a lot of that toxic projection. I now understand it didn't come from a bad place but from a deep-rooted anti-blackness that she internalised from her peers and the media.
Thank god we're both grown now! I only remembered this when my flatmates were complimenting me on my tan and I thanked them. 12 years ago this would have made me feel really insecure, I'd scrub at my body profusely to get rid of my tan and now I can't wait to top them up.
Anyway, rant over just an observation that I too was in that self-hate ghetto growing up and then I found Tumblr lool.
