heheh i was really depressed earlier because i'm not where i want to be in life - my grades are poor, i'm struggling in my classes, i don't know what i want to do for my career, i'm way overweight, and generally dissatisfied with who i am and what i look like... but i'm happy to

have my friends beside me. even though i suffer from paranoia, and anxiety, and other issues that make it hard for me to completely be who i want to be, there are people who like me and spend time with me regardless of my issues, and that makes me really happy.

i'm 21 today and nowhere near the person i wished i would be on my 21st. this quarantine has stalled a lot of things in my life: i'm unable to learn, my mental health and eating issues returning, not being able to lose weight, having to stall my transition... all of it is

really hard for me, and i'm really struggling to keep my head up. every day i wish i could be someone different- smarter, more talented, skinnier, better with people... but at least i'm alive, right? i want to do better. after finals, i'll take the grades given to me and i'll do

better. i'll try not to give up. i don't know how long this optimism will last, if it will at all, but i'm just thankful for the people who stay by my side regardless of my faults. thank you... i don't know what the point of this thread is, besides to vent my feelings, but yeah.