Today should be my wedding day. According to multiverse theory, somewhere in a parallel reality, it is. Today Iâll be live tweeting from both realities (at least until I get bored or forget.)

09:29AM Woken in London by Amazon delivery. Hungover.
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09:29AM Woken in Edinburgh by my mother. Told her not to come until 12. Sheâs brought breakfast which she expects me to cook. Begrudgingly, inevitably, I do. Hungover.
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09:29AM Woken in Edinburgh by my mother. Told her not to come until 12. Sheâs brought breakfast which she expects me to cook. Begrudgingly, inevitably, I do. Hungover.
11:45AM Descaling the coffee machine.
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11:45AM At Mums (the cafe, not my mum), which does the worst coffee in Edinburgh but the best pancakes.
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11:45AM At Mums (the cafe, not my mum), which does the worst coffee in Edinburgh but the best pancakes.
13:12PM In Budgens buying bagels. Not allowed within 2m of anyone.
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13:12PM At least 15 people have hugged me so far today, of which at least a third are strangers.
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13:12PM At least 15 people have hugged me so far today, of which at least a third are strangers.
13:21PM Might have a shower and get dressed.
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13:21PM TIES, WHERE ARE THE FUCKING TIES
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13:21PM TIES, WHERE ARE THE FUCKING TIES
13:44PM Second bunch of flowers has arrived. Searching the cupboards for something to put them in because we only have one vase.
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13:44PM Zakk has arrived. He looks better than us. We knew this would happen.
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13:44PM Zakk has arrived. He looks better than us. We knew this would happen.
13:58PM MY WAYFAIR DELIVERY JUST CAME! Iâve been waiting 2 weeks for this 
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13:58PM Two texts from @RWFunnell: âhave you got the rings, I canât find themâ and another 2 minutes later: ânvm they were in my other pocketâ. Actually we do have the rings, we gave him decoys.

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13:58PM Two texts from @RWFunnell: âhave you got the rings, I canât find themâ and another 2 minutes later: ânvm they were in my other pocketâ. Actually we do have the rings, we gave him decoys.
14:25PM Timelines beginning to merge