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Had a long talk today with a friend who& #39;s going through major shit for about the eighth time. It& #39;s not fair. But she and I are sadly getting good at it.
She has done one amazing thing: she has taught me how to support her. Everyone does hard things differently.
She has done one amazing thing: she has taught me how to support her. Everyone does hard things differently.
She likes to distract herself to find some peace. So she doesn& #39;t like being told people are there for her--it reminds her of the bad thing she& #39;s going through.
So I told her, out of utmost love, that I would ignore her as she wants, but that I& #39;m here when she wants to reach out.
So I told her, out of utmost love, that I would ignore her as she wants, but that I& #39;m here when she wants to reach out.
I& #39;ve seen other people reach for normal, or want constant support from other people. I tend to want to cry and talk and not be alone, personally. I tend to lose myself in books and business.
But there& #39;s not a wrong way.
The key is you have to ask.
But there& #39;s not a wrong way.
The key is you have to ask.
People will offer you their best coping thing out of deep love, and if that thing is not helpful, you& #39;ll need to tell them. Ask for what is helpful to you instead--if your friend loves you, they& #39;ll do it.
Sadly I know hard things. I don& #39;t have to try to fix it. I can listen, and know that sometimes nothing you say really helps.
She called me, specifically, because she knew I wouldn& #39;t try to fix it. I wouldn& #39;t try to comfort her out of it, or make her cry if she wasn& #39;t.
She called me, specifically, because she knew I wouldn& #39;t try to fix it. I wouldn& #39;t try to comfort her out of it, or make her cry if she wasn& #39;t.
We ended up talking about the people who try to make your suffering about them. Or who can& #39;t tolerate it. Who have to make it go away.
I& #39;m sadly old enough and wise enough to know that never works. Sitting with people in their suffering is sometimes all you can do.
I& #39;m sadly old enough and wise enough to know that never works. Sitting with people in their suffering is sometimes all you can do.
And in her case, I listened, I told a funny story to distract her as she wanted, and I with love am going to leave her alone for a few weeks.
But I& #39;m on the other end of the phone when she needs me.
But I& #39;m on the other end of the phone when she needs me.
What do you want when you& #39;re suffering or going through something hard? How can you ask for that?
