Read on Twitter
Had a long talk today with a friend who's going through major shit for about the eighth time. It's not fair. But she and I are sadly getting good at it.
She has done one amazing thing: she has taught me how to support her. Everyone does hard things differently.
She has done one amazing thing: she has taught me how to support her. Everyone does hard things differently.
She likes to distract herself to find some peace. So she doesn't like being told people are there for her--it reminds her of the bad thing she's going through.
So I told her, out of utmost love, that I would ignore her as she wants, but that I'm here when she wants to reach out.
So I told her, out of utmost love, that I would ignore her as she wants, but that I'm here when she wants to reach out.
I've seen other people reach for normal, or want constant support from other people. I tend to want to cry and talk and not be alone, personally. I tend to lose myself in books and business.
But there's not a wrong way.
The key is you have to ask.
But there's not a wrong way.
The key is you have to ask.
People will offer you their best coping thing out of deep love, and if that thing is not helpful, you'll need to tell them. Ask for what is helpful to you instead--if your friend loves you, they'll do it.
Sadly I know hard things. I don't have to try to fix it. I can listen, and know that sometimes nothing you say really helps.
She called me, specifically, because she knew I wouldn't try to fix it. I wouldn't try to comfort her out of it, or make her cry if she wasn't.
She called me, specifically, because she knew I wouldn't try to fix it. I wouldn't try to comfort her out of it, or make her cry if she wasn't.
We ended up talking about the people who try to make your suffering about them. Or who can't tolerate it. Who have to make it go away.
I'm sadly old enough and wise enough to know that never works. Sitting with people in their suffering is sometimes all you can do.
I'm sadly old enough and wise enough to know that never works. Sitting with people in their suffering is sometimes all you can do.
And in her case, I listened, I told a funny story to distract her as she wanted, and I with love am going to leave her alone for a few weeks.
But I'm on the other end of the phone when she needs me.
But I'm on the other end of the phone when she needs me.
What do you want when you're suffering or going through something hard? How can you ask for that?
