Medieval Catholicism be like "You know that allegorical symbol that's supposed to represent experiencing all there is to experience in the world and the totality of Creation? That's actually a demon."

Protestants be like "You know that Catholic symbol that's supposed to represent how good triumphs over evil in the end? That's actually idolatry."

Hindus be like: "You know that allegorical representation of the Divine and how it recycles old material into new? I worship that. What's monotheism?"

Mormons be like: "I'm gay but I won't admit it."

Jehova's Witness be like: "I'm actually a Jew I just like larping as a Christian because it lets me fit in better with other people."

Grug be like "What the fuck are you doing at my door?"

Theistic Satanists be like: "Yeah I worship the Hebrew world for Obstacle or Annoyance, because that's what I am. Have I mentioned I cut myself?"

Atheist Satanists be like: "Yeah my dad left when I was 3, how'd you know?"

Orthodox Christians be like:

Wiccans be like: "Ackshually I'm a PAGAN. Wait why are you laughing at me?"

Buddhists be like: "I'm rich and there's no meaning in my life but I'm too prideful to admit religious people were right about anything."

Muslims be like "I sodomized that little boy.... in the name of Allah!"

Jews be like "No, no, NO goy you don't understand. The Torah says you can't offer your children to Molach, it says nothing about offering OTHER people's children to Molach. The wording is very specific, you see. Yes, I'm a lawyer."

Modern Catholics be like "Yaaaas we're the global church yaaaassssss hashtag I'm with her YASSSS"

Modern E-Tradcaths be like "Yes, I was an atheist 2 years ago. Yes I want all atheists to be killed. No this isn't because of some deep seated self-loathing that I haven't addressed yet."

Agnostics be like "Yes, I literally call myself 'not knowledgeable' and I'm functionally identical to an atheist, but I'm NOT an atheist!!!!!"

Cainites be like "I sacrificed this child to Molach because the world is mean and stuff. I dindu nuffin :("

'Spiritual' people be like "Want to abuse psychedelics with me until you don't know who you are anymore?"

Shintoists be like "I HAVU RUINUDU MYU FAMARYSU HONA I MUSUTU KIRRU MY SHERFU"

Luciferians be like "You know, I could really go for a robot arm right now. And a big fat robot dick."

Zoroastrians be like "Just gotta keep staring at the fire. Just gotta keep staring at the fire. ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... ... nice I really feel the presence of God all around us :)"

Chinese Traditional Imperial Cultists be like "I LOVE CHINA, LONG LIVE XI JINPING :D"

Neet Cheese worshipers be like "GOD IS DEAD AND I KILLED HIM BY POSTING EDGY ATHEIST CONTENT ON REDDIT"

Historically Black Protestants be like "we have SSSSsOoooOooOOOoOoooOOOooooOOOOOOOUL" (daaas rite daaaas rite)

Southern Baptists be like "In the name of JeeEEEeEEsSUSUSSSS CHRIST... FUCK YOU N-"

Black Israelites be like "JEEEEEESUS wUS A BlACk MAYN and hated wypipos n shiet"

Chassids be like

Grugs be like "GOD I GOT SO MUCH DOPAMINE FROM THIS THREAD YAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS"