do you look at adult fictional characters who seem closed off and cold but then later show that they care so fucking much about the main characters that they would risk their lives for them and proceed to read fics about them having a s/o and cats and later, kids they adopted

just to imagine them being happy and being a kind, trusting, understanding and loving parent and partner who shows their kids that its okay to feel and its ok to cry for no reason and that its ok to be afraid and shows them that some things arent necessarily bad or a weakness

and then after that you feel sad because you are imagining that character as the parental figure you never had and never will have because youre 15 and its too late for you to experience having a good parent figure because youre becoming an adult in three years and thats scary

and then you start crying because you realise that you do this because every figure in your life so far that you put some trust in has betrayed said trust and youre afraid of trusting anybody besides adult fictional characters because you will just feel hurt once some1 betrays ur

once again and you find yourself trusting only fictional characters and/or people online, who you will probably never meet and if they betray ur trust u wont feel as hurt and will be able to move on w ur life or are you normal?