Thread: (I’m talking personally, ***not as a therapist*** here).

For someone into relationship anarchy, this distinction doesn’t really exist for me. https://twitter.com/theafrolegalise/status/1263939163063230466

I feel romantically towards my close friends & my family. I want to share their world, I want to buy things for them, i learn their love languages, etc. Around my chosen fam & inner circle of friends, I feel vulnerable w/ them. I miss them deeply & they fill huge roles in my life

I share my finances w/ some of my chosen fam. I would foster kids with them. I live with some of them & plan to live with them forever regardless of who I’m dating or having sex with. It would hurt thee most if they left me. More than any romantic relationship I’ve been in.

Some friends & I have (have had/want to have) a sexual dynamic without ever losing our vibe/“ruining the friendship”. I fall in love w/ friends & become infatuated w/ the dynamic. I spend $ on my friends. Sexual or not, I’d pay bills if they needed the help & I had the money

The romantic relationships I’ve been in felt “different” to me b/c there’s always societal pressure & socialization to set romantic relationships apart with different rules, expectations, & society allows only romantic relationships to do certain things. I wasn’t happy w/ that https://twitter.com/queeringpsych/status/1138976169083187200

I’ve talked about my re-analyzing relationship priorities (& possibly unpacking some socialization w/ labels, expectations, & labor) personally in other threads

I prefer to define my personal relationships by the length of time, our dynamic, & what each relationships needs/gives https://twitter.com/queeringpsych/status/1184179175139266561

Just b/c I don’t have sex with someone doesn’t mean they don’t matter. Just because I do have sex with someone doesn’t mean I want to live w/ them, share finances w/ them, or raise kids w/ them.

I think the expectations in romantic relationships are weird. Someone will know you for 6 months, but wants full access to your vulnerabilities & wants to be the top priority over several-year family & friend relationships. Solely due to expectations taught via socialization

I walk into all relationships open. And leave room for us to customize it. Do we have sex? No? Ok. Do we cuddle? What is your love languages? Can you eat my food? Are you reliable w/ $? Do you like gifts? How can I support you? What do I need from you? And check in for updates

For the record & I want to make sure this is clear. My personal relationship values have nothing to do with how I counsel clients in their relationships. I’m here to give clients the space & opportunity to reflect, unpack, & discover their own story & world. Not to impose my own