Maybe it’s just mental illness.

But I feel unloved, unwanted, and unappreciated by literally almost everyone around me.

My family.

The people who call themselves my friends.

My followers.

It’s very rare anybody just hits me up to do a mental health check on with me.

Or to ask to spend time with me.

Or just hits me up to see how I’m doing.

Unless of course they want something.

And even the people who really say they love me and I know they’re trying truly just do not know how to show me appreciation.

I have cut myself down.

When people said I was loud and annoying? I silenced myself.

When people treated me like I was too angry? I stopped bringing up issues at all.

When people treated me like my voice was irrelevant, I stopped talking.

So all I’m being shown is that I’m surrounded by people who either actually just want to kill me off......

Or people who are incredibly indifferent to my presence, actually, and I’m tired.

I did everything I was told I needed to to be better, and it doesn’t even matter.

But you know what?

At least in silencing myself I no longer waste my energy on those who don’t appreciate me and never will.

So thanks, I guess, for the come up.

But for the record?

Literally all of y’all are being cut off because even if I’m happy being silent, I’d rather be silent and alone than surrounded by those who make me feel like literal death would be a better option than the life I’m living now.

See at least if I was dead people who don’t appreciate me would no longer have access to me, and it would expose a lot of cards.

At least if I was dead, I wouldn’t have to casually yet seriously mention physical and mental illness to my “friends” on a semi-regular basis for them not to show even an iota of concern for my health.

At least if I was dead, I wouldn’t be ignored, talked over, excluded, or silenced.

At least if I was dead I wouldn’t have to be present for an existence where people don’t check up on me or ask me how I’m doing or invite me to things.

At least if I was dead y’all just couldn’t hurt me anymore and pretend like it’s love.

And before anyone tries to shame me for this thread, I really just wanna ask:

What even would change if I wasn’t here? Whose lives would be drastically worse other than my mother’s?

There is no point to my life even just living for me because enduring this cruel earth just isn’t worth what good there is on this planet.

If Heaven is the goal—meaning I have to live through this to reach heaven—then that’s worth it.

But fuck this existence.

Ion care about anything anymore except completing my life; other than that I’m just returning all the energy I’ve been given.

I’m done.