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People will really weaponize your forgiveness against you and do the same thing again when you're least expecting because you reconciled. They'll have you looking stupid, feeling ashamed when they took advantage of your feelings and intentions that led to forgiveness.
We can't be so quick to bury the hatchet with people who are habitual liars, habitual snakes and habitual bullies. They'll dig the hatchet up and strike you with it behind your back. And you'll blame yourself because you forgave them.
I think it's important to truly understand what your boundaries are. I think it's important to understand what are the bare minimum requirements—Respect is bare minimum. People will not even give you that, why, because you're you.
Not that anybody said this, but we often pressure ourselves to forgive someone who did us wrong. I just wanted to point that out. People-pleasing and codependent tendencies will have you forgiving people who violated you in the most terrible of ways.
And other people will pressure you, too, but if you're sacrificing your own dignity, your backbone, your boundaries for the sake of harmony amongst a group of people—That is too much to ask of you.
People don't even know that part.
People don't even know that part.
And when you decide NOT to forgive and instead choose to protect yourself from further injury, further anxiety, further mistrust—read the room and watch what table people decide to sit at, even though you were done wrong first.
But you're wrong for not forgiving, yikes.
But you're wrong for not forgiving, yikes.
So when people disrespect you, understand that respect is the bare minimum. You walk around with no ill intentions towards others and those people preemptively strike. Maybe a few red flags you brushed off, a gut feeling you didn't listen to, all because you liked them.
Is your forgiveness something for them to have? Will they appreciate it? In some ways, they answered this question just off the way they treated you.
Your forgiveness is a privilege, it's not something you hand out so freely.
Your forgiveness is a privilege, it's not something you hand out so freely.
Direct your forgiveness towards yourself because you need your forgiveness more than them. Codependency is walking around, saying everyone does you wrong, but you never take your power back.
I always wonder why you have to forgive someone else to have peace with yourself. Isn't that just handing your power and your peace of mind back to them?
Why is it like that? Can you look in the mirror, apologize to you?
"I'm sorry for letting people walk all over you."
"I'm sorry for not standing up for you."
"I'm sorry for sacrificing your boundaries for the sake of other people's comfort."
"I'm sorry for not trusting you."
"I'm sorry for letting people walk all over you."
"I'm sorry for not standing up for you."
"I'm sorry for sacrificing your boundaries for the sake of other people's comfort."
"I'm sorry for not trusting you."
When I get the forgiveness card in my readings, I always stress that people should forgive themselves first. Yes, you should take accountability, but often, we shoulder all the blame and internalize it, and then cycles repeat.
Because people do and say things to not trust ourselves. Forgiving yourself is a part of rebuilding that relationship with yourself that someone else tampered with, especially through manipulation.
Some of us don't have a relationship with ourselves, we made our lives about other people and feel empty when these people use us and discard us.
So forgive yourself.
As many times as it takes.
So forgive yourself.
As many times as it takes.
And learn to advocate for yourself, either through actions or words—Because people don't listen, sometimes you have to show them. Enough begging for people to treat you like a human being. Don't beg, don't scream, don't cry, don't ask twice. People know what they do.
Resentment doesn't just go away when you forgive someone. Why? Because when we forgive people, there's a part of us that anticipates that they'll do it again.
In my opinion, resentment happens when you don't make peace with yourself, when you don't take your power back.
In my opinion, resentment happens when you don't make peace with yourself, when you don't take your power back.
And you're allowed to be vexed when someone does you dirty. You're allowed to feel some type of way when they violated you.
Make sure your behaviors aren't making it that much easier for them to hurt you, but understand you're in no control of what others do. Discern. Leave the blame for yourself at the door, don't take it inside.
You're human, we make mistakes and some of those mistakes come in the form of relationships we have with others. Forgive yourself for ignoring shit, letting shit slide.
But they chose to fuck it up.
That's not on you.
That's on them.
But they chose to fuck it up.
That's not on you.
That's on them.
