all this discourse about reconnecting natives...i saw someone say that reconnecting should be rooted in sincerity. from my perspective, sincerity is so important because actually reconnecting is a difficult and saddening process. you think about how family and your relationship

with them was ripped away from you at such a young age, and experiences too. it makes me sad to think about my grandfather and great uncle, who are dead, bc the more i learn about them the more i understand Myself. every day i regret not reaching out to my grandpa before he died,

because the memories i have of him when i was young all are i have. and then i have my great uncle's sweet voice to listen to, how his whole career was being proud of being mescalero, and how he worked to make sure that part of him was always visible and respected. and then

another point: part of reconnecting is dismantling systems of colonization and white supremacy. why reconnect when you're not willing to destroy the systems that tore your family apart in the first place? reconnecting has to be a genuine, painful, but lovely journey.

since my gpa died ive been feeling at a loss of where to go next, but ive also been feeling so lost in my very identity and who i am. it hurts and it keeps me up at night. this thread is getting long but: sincerity is important. if you dont find yourself genuinely ready to

dismantle oppressive systems, confront painful family histories, and learn how to respect the culture you're reconnecting with, maybe take some time before you start that process. it's long and it's hard. hoping to see my grandma somehow this summer, i think that's the next step.