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CW: Eating disorder
Love telling Mami I've lost 20 lbs now b/c I legit cannot eat most days & am psychologically crashing & have every symptom of an eating disorder & she goes "look how pretty you are, just lose 15 lbs"
Love telling Mami I've lost 20 lbs now b/c I legit cannot eat most days & am psychologically crashing & have every symptom of an eating disorder & she goes "look how pretty you are, just lose 15 lbs"
It's easy to attack my mother about this b/c she's, well, A Bit Much, but she isn't the problem here.
CW: Eating disorder
You cannot be medically diagnosed for anorexia if you're overweight. I'm serious. You can have every other symptom of anorexia, but until you stop being fat, & it is not a medical condition & everyone (including doctors!) supports it.
You cannot be medically diagnosed for anorexia if you're overweight. I'm serious. You can have every other symptom of anorexia, but until you stop being fat, & it is not a medical condition & everyone (including doctors!) supports it.
CW: Eating disorder
Still remember when I was on a new psych med that made me throw up so much I barely ate for *weeks* & my psych was so happy I was losing fat they kept me on it until the point where I was so physically weak I could barely get around.
Still remember when I was on a new psych med that made me throw up so much I barely ate for *weeks* & my psych was so happy I was losing fat they kept me on it until the point where I was so physically weak I could barely get around.
CW: Eating disorder
It isn't just that I've lost 20 lbs. I've lost 10 lbs in 2 months w/ zero exercise. If I wasn't fat, that would absolutely be a thing that doctors ring alarm bells for & demand I get help. Instead they demand I lose more fat.
It isn't just that I've lost 20 lbs. I've lost 10 lbs in 2 months w/ zero exercise. If I wasn't fat, that would absolutely be a thing that doctors ring alarm bells for & demand I get help. Instead they demand I lose more fat.
Do I want to lose weight? I mean, yeah, clearly, that's a thing I've wanted for a long time, & I'm super enjoying how I look right now. But being in quarantine w/ two other people when even the smell or sound of food makes me nauseous? That's not tenable.
My favorite part is all the people telling me it's good to essentially starve myself skinny b/c being fat is bad for trying to make a baby. Know what's bad for making a baby? Literally starving yourself & having no nutrients in your system.
CW: Eating disorder
So I get to just...sit here. I know something is Not OK. I know that, by the time a doctor listens to me that my disordered eating is out of control, it may be too entrenched to come back from. I know all of that. And I can't do a damn thing about it.
So I get to just...sit here. I know something is Not OK. I know that, by the time a doctor listens to me that my disordered eating is out of control, it may be too entrenched to come back from. I know all of that. And I can't do a damn thing about it.
CW: Eating disorder
And let's be honest, by the time I am finally underweight & able to get an anorexia diagnosis, then I'll be blamed for not getting help sooner even though I'm literally here screaming SOMETHING IS WRONG.
And let's be honest, by the time I am finally underweight & able to get an anorexia diagnosis, then I'll be blamed for not getting help sooner even though I'm literally here screaming SOMETHING IS WRONG.
Folx that don't have mental illness feel really comfortable telling us "just get help!" or blame us for not seeking treatment & they never stop to think it's often impossible to get.
If you look at my case history, I'm lucky. I'm on medication & have been half my life (even if it doesn't always work), I'm seeing a therapist regularly, I'm pro-active about my care. But still, STILL, it will always be *my* fault I didn't get the right help soon enough.
CW: Eating disorder
My Mami is overweight. She legit believes she's doing the best thing for me, that life will be easier if I'm skinny even if it means I'm in danger. Worst part? She's absolutely right. Nothing she's saying is incorrect.
My Mami is overweight. She legit believes she's doing the best thing for me, that life will be easier if I'm skinny even if it means I'm in danger. Worst part? She's absolutely right. Nothing she's saying is incorrect.
Sorry. I'm venting. I'm just so overwhelmingly exhausted I don't know what to do. Guess I'll just sit here & drink my tea & hope for the best 
