1/ I’ve been qualified as a #radiographer for 8 years and today, I’ve been reflecting on my experiences as a #student. It’s a long thread, but it has a happy ending. These are all my own feelings (obviously) from memories long since passed- no ill will felt with my institution.

2/ I have my clinical portfolios on my bookshelf amongst the medical textbooks and old CR cassettes (that will one day be a piece of nostalgic history, much like the portfolios are now).

3/ I thought I’d get them out and flick through, mainly because there might be some ideas for clinical placement structure and assessment going forwards after Covid- look to the past to inform the future, as well as reliving my undergraduate life.

4/ I thumbed through the tatty books and scoffed at my scruffy handwriting (which actually hasn’t got any better), but then I started reading properly. I was transported back and felt immense sadness. My student life had been so important but marred with so many negatives-

5/ I was poor, miles away from home, anxious and sad. Come to think of it, I was probably depressed. One of the reasons for my despair? Clinical placement. My experiences were not positive. I didn’t feel like I fit in to the tight knit community who are born, work and die there.

6/ It got so bad I resented it. I hated that aspect of my degree. It was not resentment of the job, which I loved, but of all the periphery. Of the constantly being on edge about how I come across or my perceived attitude, of the having to pretend I was always happy.

7/ It was draining, trying to please my supervisors, not being myself in order to do so. Making matters worse, feedback (both verbal and documented) felt damning. Reading back on it now, reliving it, still stings. Constructive feedback is one thing, but this felt different.

8/ I was not a perfect student, don’t get me wrong- I cringe at immature FB posts of 18-21 yr old me. I tried hard, pushed my crumbling personal life aside, put on a forced smile, but it never felt enough. Untrue things were said by qualified staff, and I got to breaking point.

9/ But instead it put a fire in my belly. I became determined and swore to myself that if I didn’t get a post in #paediatrics as soon as I qualified, that was it. I wasn’t going to be a #radiographer. I couldn’t work in a world that had almost broken me.

10/ I was lucky enough to get the paeds post, and here I am, 8 years later. In a house I worked hard to buy with the guy I fought to stay with during those tough years. In fact, I’m hopeful my career will take a new turn- teaching.

11/ You see, I realised something today (the purpose of this lengthy and rambling thread). I had an awful experience with healthcare when I was a child- it scarred me for a long time. It made doctors visits a living nightmare, but a healthcare professional got me over it.

12/ This experience, the following trauma and the kindness I felt from that nurse is why I became a #paediatricradiographer – I don’t want children to have the same feelings about healthcare that I did, so I strive to make it a positive experience.

13/ Then I thought- this is also why I #teach -to make sure #students don’t have the same experience as I did. I want to make them feel valued and cared about, their struggles heard and solutions found. Their personal lives taken into account and for them to be seen as a whole.

14/ I think my purpose is to take my negatives and turn them in to positives for others. So, students struggling with being away from home, clinical or any aspect of their degree- I see you. I can promise you that it isn’t what it’ll be like when you qualify- in many ways.

15/ So with my #teaching, #radiographer or pastoral #support hat on, I will listen to whatever you’re going through. Don’t misunderstand, I loved other aspects of my degree, hell I’m doing another, but my time on clinical placement was the lowest ebb. It doesn’t have to be yours.

16/ #radiographers -please don’t assume a quiet student is lazy or uninterested. Please be mindful of their learning style and nurture them best way you can. Adapt your teaching. Think about and ask about their life outside of placement- they might just be having a tough time.

17/ I feel this sentiment is especially pertinent now, in the current circumstances. If you, as a qualified member of staff, are feeling overwhelmed, stressed and anxious, remember your students are feeling the same, then add in the pressure of their studies on top of that.

18/ After all that, I forgot what I was actually doing with the portfolios and so have had to re-read and make some notes...