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Working towards forgiveness after being hurt/violated by someone is such an emotionally awkward space to occupy.
Feeling perpetually pissed off but having splashes and small bouts of time where you feel things that are completely opposite is annoying and confusing.
& if yal have chosen to stay in contact during this period of "forgiveness" you have moments where you feel obligated to do things or act a certain way but youre internally screaming "FUCK NO! FUCK THEM!! THEY DON'T DESERVE!"
Fear of looking bitter makes you do it though.
Fear of looking bitter makes you do it though.
But then it's like....why do give a fuck about looking bitter when I genuinely am bitter?! How do I move through the bitterness and feel my feelings without letting it turn me into a sour ass petty person????
I haven't figured that all the way out yet but I think transparency & tighter boundaries are the answer. Be real and honest with yourself, in your actions and in your thoughts. Do what you feel serves/heals you and teach yourself not to feel bad about it.
Personally, learning how to use and stand on the phrase "because I just didn't want to" has been my biggest challenge as well as my biggest savior.
Allowing myself to just not do certain things "because I don't want to" feels so damn good. Especially when those things directly oppose this process of forgiveness I'm navigating through.
It's weird feeling bad for "not wanting to" but it's liberating knowing that I'm the only person controlling me.
Very liberating to exercise the same amount of "don't give a fuck" as they did but with none of the disrespect bc I'm grown.
Very liberating to exercise the same amount of "don't give a fuck" as they did but with none of the disrespect bc I'm grown.
Idk. Just some shit I be thinking about.
Happy Friday to anybody that's also navigating this bullshit ass emotion rn lol. Hope this long weekend is good to us
Happy Friday to anybody that's also navigating this bullshit ass emotion rn lol. Hope this long weekend is good to us
