You best believe that I have sat on these thoughts for a while now. I have to remember who to tag cos I promised I would tag them once I was ready to write about heartbreak.

In the meantime, grab a cuppa and read through because we are about to dig deep.
#MentalHealthAwareness

For starters, let's define trauma. In my words, trauma is the response to something that happens to us that leaves us feeling down, stressed, and broken.

Below is a longer explanation.

#MentalHealthAwareness
#mentalhealth #TraumaInformedCare

I have had my fair share of heartbreaks but today let's focus on the romantic kind. It is easy to overlook romantic heartbreaks then end up living in a toxic cycle.

The most prominent way this shows is when someone keeps saying, "Wo/men are trash."
Ever dared to ask them why?

So I have dated a few dudes but one of them particularly stands out. I had dreamt of a future with him. We had made all these plans and even started on some of them. I dated him for a solid three years and when we got into that transition stage, I could tell he wasn't

on the same page, I was in. After retrospection, I started connecting all the red flags I ignored for the sake of being in a relationship.

So I gathered courage, for a whole six months, to break things off. I aimed for a civil break but it ended with very dull events.

He threatened to end his life and I informed his people because he was home. He later held a knife at me. But I was able to negotiate with him and I texted a neighbor who came to my rescue.

At the time, I was too shocked to even understand why he would do such a thing. I mean

had I survived suicidal ideations, depression, anorexia, and self-loathing so that a jilted lover would end me? That was one of the biggest traumatic events that I went through in a break-up situation.

For days, I lay in my bed terrified that he might sneak up on me as

I moved about my day or follow me to work and cause a scene. So I informed out gateman to keep the dude away from my home. Luckily, my ex chose to relocate to his home and that gave me some sense of relief.

You know what they say, out of sight, out of mind.

The fact that I broke things off, shattered my heart. Because I lost something that I tended to daily for three years. I lost hopes, dreams, and mutual life goals. I was in so much pain that I could not describe or explain to anyone.

The constant question on my mind was,

"Where do I begin?" The lost time, money, effort, and the identity of being a gf haunted me for long. So I decided to give my heart a break and stay off dating for a while. At least till I knew what to do with myself.

Now that I know better,

I know that I went through several traumatic events: the break-up, suicide threat, threat to be killed by a jilted lover.

As a result, I associated love with pain. I mean, my parents, the people I loved the most broke my heart too. So love must be painful, right?

The constant obsession of wondering, "Why this and that?" would eat me alive. I isolated myself because I thought I was not worthy of a healthy, thriving, reciprocated love.

Plus I did not know anyone who would deal with all my tears. I cried for months and really

felt the pain of loss. Being alone was not scary to me because I had been ostracised as I grew.

Yet, post the breakup, I became afraid. That is how I resorted to spending more time with my family and surprisingly started healing.

In my opinion, every heartbreak is a traumatic event that you should take time to heal. It is not healthy to jump from one relationship to another. Because it's true, hurt people hurt other people.

The way to break free from that toxic cycle is by changing how you do things.

For instance, if you are always jumping into and out of relationships, why not stay away from them altogether?

That way, you can explore other parts of your life and learn how to fill that void inside with other healthy things than a string of meaningless relationships. Get it?

Onto what prompted me to write this today. I was watching a few Ted Talks. They are my preferred brain food in my downtime. I appreciate a few things I learned and would like to share as they help with the whole concept of healing. I'll share two links as well.

There is no quick fix to the impact of a heartbreak and other pains. Therefore, we have to give our hearts time to heal.

Spending some time alone will help us discover what we really want and the gaps in our lives that we attempt to fill with r/ships.

Instead of asking why, ask what. Instead of asking myself "Why did I have to go through such a traumatic breakup?
I should ask, "What did I learn about myself?"
The will help us change our perceptions and slowly start moving forward with our lives.

The fear of love is a memory recall issue because love does not hurt. Love itself did not leave you. It is the person that left/you left.

In her talk, Trillion Small concludes by saying, "Try love gain. Just one more time."

My final thoughts are, taking time off dating to heal our wounded hearts is a good thing. We get to move on with a new awareness of self plus what we really need.

Yes, heartbreaks are traumatic but we can heal and get into healthy, balanced relationships.

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