I had an encounter with an old white man who's a Family Therapist and he told me something that he feels people never talk about in the traditional South African black household.

He's like 70 so he lived through Apartheid. He chose to live in a small town in Mpumalanga and offer therapy etc. Cool. What he notices was that a lot of therapists shy away from addressing the trauma of apartheid to black people.

Which is why there's a disconnect between black clients and white therapists. And he feels Apartheid is a HUGE factor in the state of black fathers and husbands. My parents generation basically so think any black man over 45..

He was talking about the effects of being bullied as an adult, on an institutional level, on a daily basis. By anyone.. Where you don't have just one manager/supervisor/employer, but anyone of a certain race effectively becomes your boss. Anyone can tell you what to do.

That extreme level of emasculation easily manifests into their household. The one place where they feel they have a voice. This is passed down to their sounds. This overcompensating father figure who's a victim becomes the standard of "how to be a father/husband"

This becomes normal.

He used an interesting example, pissing in public, an that back in Apartheid black men would stop just outside town to piss on the side of the road because there were barely any bathrooms for blacks in town and if there were they were awful.

Their sons saw this growing up and felt its normal to piss on the side of the road and not just wait.