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[ssk headcannon: falling in love]
so you know how the first opening of bsd shows dazai falling off a building? what if he did it on purpose— but not to commit suicide, but to pull a prank on chuuya? “prank” being a flexible word here.
so you know how the first opening of bsd shows dazai falling off a building? what if he did it on purpose— but not to commit suicide, but to pull a prank on chuuya? “prank” being a flexible word here.
— it’s all serious until it takes a turn
— dialogue
— some angst
— skimmed through, so expect some mistakes
— tbh my writing is kinda rough here
— **qrts only if u want to comment!!**
[note: chuuya and dazai were lovers before dazai left the pm]
— dialogue
— some angst
— skimmed through, so expect some mistakes
— tbh my writing is kinda rough here
— **qrts only if u want to comment!!**
[note: chuuya and dazai were lovers before dazai left the pm]
let’s just say dazai leads chuuya up the tall skyscraper, with the incentive that dazai will tell chuuya why *he left* him four years ago. chuuya grudgingly takes the bait, too curious not to, and he follows his counterpart.
chuuya doesn’t bother to activate his ability to fly up the tower, since he’d rather keep an eye on dazai. chuuya knows exactly how surreptitious the former port mafia executive and former lover would be, but what he knows is *not* exact is—
about whether or not dazai changed over the past four years.
when dazai left chuuya after the mimic incident, chuuya felt betrayed. yes, he was hurt. yes, his heart was broken by the man he loved. and yes, he mended his heart and continued his life as a normal human. heartbreak was something that chuuya couldn’t dwell on forever.
the path that life takes always changes, so chuuya will adapt to those changes— regardless of what he feels. chuuya is not someone who is controlled by his emotions; he has something else that would control him instead— but that something hasn’t been activated in a long time.
yet he hesitates because of what he *feels* about dazai. chuuya hesitates about following dazai through the entrance of the skyscraper. he continues to hesitate as he climbs the stairwells, staring at dazai’s back. chuuya hesitates as the door that opens to the roof is unlocked.
the entire time, chuuya was gazing at dazai’s back. dazai towers over him easily; a fact that has always been true since their childhood. it makes him feel... mundane compared to the man whose considered the “demon prodigy” back in the dark era.
chuuya was always dazai’s shadow. he is one-half of soukoku, but he was always the “lesser” half. dazai was the brain, and chuuya the brawn. dazai was always the one who came up with plans + solutions during their missions. chuuya only carried them out. he is useless without him.
chuuya was so in deep-thought that he didn’t realize that dazai had turned around and was busy scrutinizing the redhead. chuuya only notices dazai when the brunet had taken a few steps forward, getting closer and closer.
the wind whistles, red hair being tosseled around, and chuuya sucks in a breath as dazai lifts his hand after he stops walking (a foot-length between them— the thought drifts through chuuya’s mind).
“chuuya,” dazai says as he slowly tucks the lock of hair behind chuuya’s ear. chuuya doesn’t realize how much he *misses* that voice calling his name, yet he doesn’t reply. chuuya is completely frozen, stiff from the moment dazai touched him.
dazai takes his silence as an acknowledgement and withdraws his hand, but the space between them stays close. dark brown eyes searches blue; a feeling that has been long forgotten. chuuya forgets about how observant dazai is and curses silently about how the brunet—
probably picked up on chuuya’s discomfort.
something in chuuya’s eyes passes dazai’s inspectment, and dazai continues to talk. “chuuya,” he says again. the name is whispered out softly, carried by the wind. “do you know why i found you and brought you here?”
something in chuuya’s eyes passes dazai’s inspectment, and dazai continues to talk. “chuuya,” he says again. the name is whispered out softly, carried by the wind. “do you know why i found you and brought you here?”
chuuya bites his lip in response. of course not, he wants to shout. of course i don’t know why you’re here! you vanished into thin air with no trace. it took me a year to accept that you left me with no message. do you know how much i suffered during the time?
how much heartache i went through the first couple months after you left? you left me. you. left. me.
chuuya’s thoughts scream at him, and the pang in his heart throbs slightly. it’s a lie. he never mended his heart. it was never healed completely. dazai’s reappearance opened—
chuuya’s thoughts scream at him, and the pang in his heart throbs slightly. it’s a lie. he never mended his heart. it was never healed completely. dazai’s reappearance opened—
the wound again, and he begs dazai silently to stitch it back together. mend it, chuuya pleads in his head. mend it, dazai. mend it.
it takes a few seconds before chuuya comes up with a pitiful response. it echoes, with a melancholic feeling: “why?”
it takes a few seconds before chuuya comes up with a pitiful response. it echoes, with a melancholic feeling: “why?”
dazai expects the question, and he allows himself to take a step back to give chuuya some of his personal space back.
“i’ve never wanted to leave,” dazai starts off. “if i left, that meant that i had to leave you too.”
“i’ve never wanted to leave,” dazai starts off. “if i left, that meant that i had to leave you too.”
“yet you did.” the words are spit out of chuuya’s mouth with such disgust that the words left a taste of bile on his tongue.
“i did, but i came back, chuuya. i came back for you.”
“i did, but i came back, chuuya. i came back for you.”
“complete bullshit, dazai,” chuuya scorns him. “you’re four years late.”
“four years late is better than never, mon amour.”
chuuya stiffens at the words of endearment and forces his mouth open to speak out words that he had longed to yell.
“four years late is better than never, mon amour.”
chuuya stiffens at the words of endearment and forces his mouth open to speak out words that he had longed to yell.
“bastard,” chuuya seethes, rage overwhelming the solemness that he had been feeling the entire time. “you fucking bastard!” chuuya activates his ability and shoots forward, grabbing onto the bolo tie as he slams dazai against the rooftop’s door.
“i’m not your lover anymore.” electric blue eyes pierces brown, glaring daggers that could kill if he wasn’t already using words as his weapon. “we aren’t lovers— that ended when you left the port mafia and betrayed all of us,” he spits. all feelings of love are completely wiped.
“unsurprising that chuuya decides to put his loyalty before himself,” dazai mocks him, infuriating the redhead even more. dazai cocks his head which his signature smirk. not a single sign of pain is laced in his features from being thrown against a wall.
chuuya grits his teeth and proceeds to whip out one of his blades from under his coat, digging the edge into the tender skin of dazai’s neck. “tell me a reason why i shouldn’t kill you right now for your betrayal.” it isn’t said as a question, but as a demand.
“you love me.”
“you love me.”
— i’ll continue this after i wake up haha
chuuya visibly loosens his hold on the blade at dazai's blunt statement. the moment of vulnerability is enough for dazai to flip their positions, and chuuya gasps out loud as he is instead slammed against the metal door. he opens his mouth to threaten dazai to /let him go/—
— SJDJSKKS i have to reupload this thread bc i forgot to write something :’))
i’ll do that later
i’ll do that later
