I've been a mom for 13 of my 15 years in academia. While none of us have parented and worked during a pandemic, these years of juggling have helped prepare me for the slog ahead. If it helps, here are thoughts from someone who's almost always winging it:

1. If partnered, plan for frequent reset. We know that women still carry a heavy load at home. It's hard to change family dynamics but women can't do it all & also shouldn't have to. Continuous renegotiation of home responsibilities that adjust to current circumstances is key.

2. Find your academic mom friends. At every stage from training to jr faculty to now I've had a core group of friends & we've supported one another through pregnancies, losses, child care issues, tenure & funding stresses, work difficulties, & good times, too!

3. Select projects and collaborators judiciously. I cannot work with people who don't pitch in to do the work/write the things because when deliverables rely on me alone they take forever to get done. Sorry not sorry. Plus, few things are better than a truly collaborative team.

4. Accept that some people will not care about your work-home challenges, even now. As long as they're not your boss or factor heavily into your advancement or daily work life, ignore. Save your energy for more important things like improving policies for those coming after you.

5. Execute day-by-day. I stopped making detailed weekly work plans because I got tired of ripping them up when a kid got sick or stuck stickers up his nose. Instead of feeling like a failure for not keeping the plans & pace, I just do my best every day.

6. Reconcile ambitions with reality. There is no doing it all, all of the time. This is hard for me b/c there are several things I thought I'd be pursuing right now and I'm accepting that this is not my time or my season. Will it be again? Hard to say.

7. Prioritize quality over quantity. I made a choice early on to prioritize rigor over speed & volume. And though this results in me not being a prolific producer, I am proud of the impact my work has/is having. Bonus: I don't often feel like I'm on a hamster wheel.

8. Feed relationships at home and at work. This is more challenging these days in both places (for different reasons), but still necessary for both getting stuff done and for joy and happiness. Also, life may be shorter than we plan.

9. Cut losses. Sometimes you have to walk away - from people, projects, things that are not helping you (& may be harming you) or that you aren't really invested in. The sooner you do this the better off for all.

10. Drop the mom guilt. Are your kids healthy? Loved? Have a warm home and food to eat? Doing ok in school? Let the screen time struggle go. This is their pandemic experience, too, so we can cut them some slack AND help ourselves.

Well, that's what I've got for surviving the next year. What about you? What have you learned that will help fellow moms cope with the challenge of long-term homeschooling, pandemic parenting, and thriving in the academy?

Oh 1 more thing: it’s normal to sometimes feel like you want to give up. Hard things are hard. Acknowledge the feeling, get some rest, talk to another academic mom. This situation may be different so I’m not selling blind optimism, but as Wilson Phillips said: Hold On.

A day later: even though I wrote this for moms I'm pleased to see that these words resonate with men, too! To the guys reading this, the biggest thing that has facilitated our family's success is point #1: sharing the load.