SKK COLLEGE AU - Part VIII

- It's all fun and games until someone falls in love -

---

"I'm not sure where to start... so... just listen."

Although Dazai said so, he's not uttering a word.

Chuuya stares as the boy takes a couple of sips from his drink, before speaking up. -

"You know... you don't have to say anything," he bites on his lips, standing. "You don't owe me anything--"

Dazai wraps his fingers around one of his wrists as soon as Chuuya tries to step away, and when he turns Dazai is looking up at him seriously.

"I want to," he says. -

"I've been... wanting to tell someone for a while, now. Because it's easier to deal with-" he grimaces, stopping for a second.

"Well... It's easier to deal with things when you talk about them. That's what I've been taught."

Chuuya swallows, munching on his lips previously, -

staring deep inside Dazai's eyes.

"Okay. I'll... just grab a shirt, okay?"

Dazai takes a breath, nodding and releasing the hold on him.

By the time Chuuya is back, Dazai has slumped on the couch a little more, hips almost at the edge of it, head pushed into the pillow-

behind him.

But as Chuuya sits next to him - sideways, with a leg curled under himself so he can face Dazai - some of the tension seems to wash from the other's rigid shoulders.

Biting his lips, Dazai tries to smile - he tries to /smirk/.

-

"....maybe we should do this /after/ we-" he stops, licking his lips and motioning with his head to the bedroom, but Chuuya lifts a brow at him, baffled.

"I mean, later you might not want me to-"

"I'd fuck with you even if you tell me you killed a man, by now, Dazai." -

And maybe Chuuya /is/ a bit exaggerating, but it serves right for Dazai to snort softly, the mood definitely less heavy than when he left to retrieve the simple t-shirt his wearing.

"Okay then..." Dazai shakes his head a bit, looking down at Chuuya's naked thighs before -

staring up into his eyes, seriously.

"I don't want comfort, nor pity. Okay?"

Chuuya nods, but Dazai doesn't seem much convinced.

"I won't. I promise."

Dazai nods, turning to face the wall opposite and sighing heavily.

"Okay, good. Because... it's in the past. -

even if it's /a lot/, it's... mostly in the past."

"I think I can handle /a lot/, Dazai," Chuuya says, and now he's /urging/ him, his tone more serious than ever as he stares at Dazai's profile.

But the boy won't turn to look at him.

"I'll try to keep it short, because -

I don't really want t go into details, tonight."

And Chuuya doesn't answer, so Dazai has to glance at him to grasp any reaction.

Chuuya is just /waiting/, looking at him - he folded his arm on the backrest of the couch, so he can lean his head on it while he just /listen/. -

Tw// Mentions of mental disorder, depression, self-harm, suicide attempt

Also, Canon Divergence of age/timings of characters.

"I've grown up into an orphanage," Dazai starts, and his voice is barely a whisper.

Frowning, he fumbles with his glass, swirling the last drops left at the bottom, and fixing his eyes on the sight.

"It was a nice place. The kids, the teachers, the assistants.. everyone -

was lovely. So it wasn't all bad, especially for a kid that didn't know other realities, right? But growing up I-"

Chuuya stares, his chest is tightening at each word because Dazai looks so distressed Chuuya feels it in his bones.

"I was never the right kid to adopt. I'd never-

last more than a couple of weeks with the families that tried to foster me, because I was /too lively/ they said."

Dazai brings the glass to his lips and empties it, closing his eyes as if he's savoring it.

It's obvious he's trying to stall, and Chuuya has to stop his hands -

from reaching out.

/No comfort/, sound like bullshit already.

"Are you familiar with ADHD?"

Dazai turns to look at him now. There is no spark in his eyes, he looks /reigned/.

"Vaguely," Chuuya swallows dryly, dots connecting slowly in his head. "But... I know the basics." -

Dazai nods.

"Before they diagnosed me, it became almost unbearable. There were good days, but the bad days..." Dazai shakes his head, advertising his eyes again as a small upset smile stretches his lips.

"I was /so/ angry all the time. No one wanted me, I'd sulk for nothing -

and I even had episodes where I was violent to other kids. It took me to break an arm during a fit for them to realize something was /not/ ordinary tantrum of /age/."

There's something in the way Dazai is talking that keeps Chuuya alert. It seems like it's a /practiced/ speech.-

/I've been wanting to tell someone for a while/.

Speaking is harder than he thought, but Chuuya /needs/ to.

"So you still... have that?" he urges, but Dazai chuckles softly, and moves just to set his empty glass on the floor.

"You don't heal from that. You learn to /live/ -

with it."

Chuuya bites his lips, nodding even if Dazai isn't looking at him.

"I take meds, with regular prescriptions," Dazai sinks into the backrest again, staring up at the ceiling. "But /that/ it's a lot better now. It's not like I need them /all the time/, or I wouldn't be-

here /drinking/ with you."

The implication is clear, and it makes Chuuya smile a bit - because Dazai /is/ a responsible person, and if he allows himself to drink, then Chuuya believes him when he says that /is better/.

Dazai rolls his head toward him, and they're looking into-

each other eyes, closely enough for Chuuya to brush his fingers on Dazai's cheek without stretching his arm.

He /wants/ to, but doesn't.

"There are still bad days. But as long as I take the pills I'm good. It's just... that is something the school doesn't know, because -

although our country /allows/ that medication-" Dazai frowns a bit, looking down. "They consider them invalidating and as drugs. They'd believe I'm /doping/, to be /smart/."

Chuuya snorts, startling Dazai a bit.

"Sorry--" Chuuya cringes. "It's just... you /are/ smart." -

When Dazai /smiles/ at him - so genuinely and gratefully - Chuuya exhales slowly, smiling back.

Chuuya wants to kiss him /so bad/, right now. It's drawing from withing, and it's hard not to lean forward and /do/ it, with Dazai so close to him.

But he doesn't, because he knows -

Dazai isn't done telling him things.

But they're silent for some time, Dazai is playing absently with his hands and Chuuya this time doesn't stop himself from reaching out.

It's just a simple gesture, but he places a hand on Dazai's, and the other's fingers stop for a second -

before starting to fidget with Chuuya's, now.

And Chuuya waits.

"I was twelve when I realized that I was /hurting/ myself willingly," Dazai starts again, the hold around Chuuya's fingers is tighter at times, but he doesn't say anything, although Dazai's words -

starts to confirm his /suspicious/.

Because Chuuya is not /blind/, either literally or to people's behavior, and he /had/ theories.

But to know it's /true/...

"It's hard to explain but, /hurting/ just translated in /cutting/ myself after I fell over a broken vase," Dazai sighs

"So I kept breaking things, glasses or mirrors, /hiding/ pieces for every time they'd take away one. They couldn't control me, because the good days they'd reward me, but in the bed ones they were /scared/ of scolding me."

There's again a sad smile on Dazai's face, as he speaks-

and Chuuya can't help but let his mind picture a younger - much /too/ young - Dazai in such a scenario, because he /feels/ the hurt.

Chuuya squeezes Dazai's hand briefly, but it's enough.

"There one only one person - a volunteer - that would always put up with me." -

Dazai stops abruptly and takes a shaky breath, closing his eyes.

Chuuya can tell that this person is /important/, in either a good or bad way - and he really, really wishes is the first.

"He was a bit younger than our age now, but I was fourteen, and we /bounded/. At least,-

I considered him my /best friend/, even if I didn't really ever had any real friend, especially after I've been diagnosed. But I was hanging in and off depressive condition back then," Dazai huffs, keeping Chuuya's hand in one of his, to bring the other to his chest -

to /rub/ at himself.

/No comfort/, Chuuya repeats in his mind, but his hand squeezes Dazai's /hard/, and it gets squeezed just the same.

Dazai turns to look at him, trying to smile.

"I've never told any of this to anyone-" he mutters, fidgeting again but with his legs, now.

"If it gets weird-"

"It is not," Chuuya assures, nodding to support his words. "If you want... if you /need/ to, just keep going."

And even if his heart aches a bit, Chuuya means it with all his might.

Dazai stares, and Chuuya notices they're /wet/ but there are no tears. -

"Well, he helped. /A lot/. I really looked forward to his visits so much I'd behave, take my meds without being trouble, and he tried to get me to stop hurting myself," Dazai sighs.

"I was a mess back then Chuuya. A /huge/ whole mess. When he left for college in freaking Europe-

I was /desperate/, I was abusing meds. I was sixteen, they would trust me with my pills because I was getting /better/. But they were wrong. And after a few weeks, I had a psychotic episode in which I almost killed a kid-"

This time Dazai stops because his voice is failing him.-

Chuuya moves closer, by reflex, but Dazai seems to recoil and Chuuya stops, forcing himself to stay still, not to put more pressure on Dazai.
But it's /so/ hard.

"I... didn't know what I was doing," Dazai presses a hand on his face.

"Sometimes, /rarely/ now, I have nightmares-

and I still /feel/--"

Dazai stands.
It's so sudden Chuuya almost jumps out of his skin and his eyes are /wide/ when Dazai holds a hand around his throat.

"They hospitalized the kid, but-"

Dazai paces, sighing deeply and with his other hand is scratching randomly himself. -

Chuuya doesn't care Dazai told him /no fucking comfort/, because this whole story is /paining/ Chuuya and he can't even begin to imagine what is doing to Dazai, right now, to remember.

Grabbing him by the shirt, Chuuya stops Dazai and holds both his arms -

to look up at him and search his eyes.

Chuuya's hands, his hold, seem to brace Dazai, and his shoulders slumps.

"The kid," Chuuya swallows, trying to ignore the slight tremor he feels under his hands. "...died?"

Dazai shakes his head slowly and licks nervously at the corner -

of his lips.

"No," he says, and Chuuya can tell he's chocked up. "But... it was too much, the /guilt/..."

Dazai puffs his cheeks, trying to regulate his breathing and chuckling awkwardly as he steps back, reaching to the couch to sit again.

Chuuya just stands, stepping -

closer but /not too close/, when Dazai puts his hand around his throat again.

"I thought I killed her. So I tried to kill myself."

That /hits/ Chuuya stronger than he could have ever imagined. His breath gets stuck in his throat and he /needs/ to look away. -

"I was /so/ stupid," Dazai shakes his head again, swallowing soundly.

"I thought If I'd cut my throat deep enough I could die faster than cutting my wrists, but I was barely able to scratch my windpipe, so... I'm still alive-"

"Dazai-"

Chuuya calls his name without -

thinking twice, but he's not sure what he wanted to say.

And when Dazai lifts his head, he's pale and he looks /so/ upset, Chuuya can barely bear it.

So he steps closer.
His tongue seems stuck, his mouth too dry to talk, so he takes Dazai's face in his hands, making him -

look up to look into Chuuya's eyes.

"I'll get you some water," Chuuya whispers, thumbs stroking lightly over Dazai's cheeks, like drying old tears that are not running right now, but it's like they're /there/.

It must be the /last/ think Dazai was expecting to hear, because -

he looks surprised and taken aback. But then he smiles, and there's so much tenderness and gratitude in his eyes, Chuuya can't help but smile back before getting to the kitchen.

He gets back with two big glasses of water, one for Dazai and one for himself, and sits next to him.-

It takes a few minutes to Dazai to seem to relax - he's breathing with a practiced rhythm, that much Chuuya can recognize - and he's taking slow, small sips from his glass, but the next time Dazai looks at Chuuya, he looks /fine/.

"...tell me it doesn't get worse?" Chuuya -

tries to say, and it's a genuine question because it's already /so/ much, anything else on top can't possibly be real.

And Dazai smiles. He nods. And Chuuya can allow /himself/ to relax a bit.

"Is it okay if I get to the rest of my autobiography another time?" Dazai asks -

with a low, tiny voice, and Chuuya smiles, because "Of course, you idiot," seems to exactly what makes Dazai's cheek gets back some color.

It makes his smile reach his eyes.

"And you thought I would have liked you /less/?" Chuuya starts, and he's almost /angry/, now. -

"You thought that, because of some /legal/ drug, few scars, and a /very/ unlucky past... I would have wanted you less?"

Dazai looks surprised. There's so much /hope/ in his eyes, and Chuuya can't understand /how/ Dazai could be feeling right now.

This is something /important/.

"You're a fucking /survivor/, Dazai. How does any of this make you /less/ or pitiable? Look at what you are /now/!"

Chuuya shakes his head, biting his lips at the last outburst.

But then he's grabbing Dazai's face - he's kissing his mouth, long and steady, and /fierce/. -

"It just makes me want you more," Chuuya mumbles breaking the contact, and now they're so close they're breathing in each other.

Dazai seems like he wants to say something, but he is not. So Chuuya presses on.

"I'm happy to know that you /are here/ when you could have not."-

Dazai shift, reaching up to cradle Chuuya's face in his palm with a hand, the other curling at the base of his neck to bring him in for another kiss.

It's really slow, and Dazai is just brushing his tongue against Chuuya without put pressure on it, keeping the kiss light. -

Chuuya is /melting/ against him, giving Dazai time and space to lead the kiss as he pleases, but huddling closer enough that he can lift a leg and rest it on Dazai's - bent at the knee.

The hand that Dazai doesn't use to keep Chuuya close by the neck slides softly down his side-

squeezing gently at the curve of his hip, fingers diving in the curve created with the dip of his thigh, and lower - over the fabric of his boxers, caressing slowly naked skin.

In any other situation, Chuuya would have recognized that as a sexual touch, but right now it just -

feels like Dazai is /grounding/ himself by touching Chuuya's body, and the way he's kissing Chuuya - ever so slow and passionate - makes him shiver in delight instead of arousal.

Chuuya doesn't even care where or what they'll end this night with. His belly feels warm and -

he could spend /hours/ kissing Dazai like that because his head is spinning without rest.

But then Dazai breaks the kiss, breathing hard against Chuuya's mouth and resting their foreheads together.
His eyes are closed, his body is relaxed under's Chuuya hands.

And then, -

blindly, Dazai turns enough to be able to press his lips on Chuuya's cheek - a chaste kiss of affection - and it shouldn't make Chuuya shiver /so hard/.

But it does.
It feels more /intimate/ than anything they've done so far, it speaks more than words could.

/Thank you/.

-

Chuuya throws his arms around Dazai's neck and slides into his lap easily - Dazai's hands travel light through his back and legs while Chuuya squeezes him within his arms.

"This isn't sympathy," Chuuya breaths through his hair, pulling Dazai's head tighter against his shoulder.-

"I'm amazed you came this far."

Dazai hugs him back - his arms close quickly around Chuuya's waist, and he squeezes.

There's no answer, just a nod Chuuya feels when Dazai presses his nose against his neck, and then they're quiet - Chuuya is /content/, and he can feel Dazai's -

heartbeat against his chest slowing to a normal pace.

So he waits.
And waits.

And then Dazai is opening his lips on the skin of his neck, it's sucking carefully on it, teeth scraping ever so lightly - Chuuya gasps silently, his body shaking between Dazai's arms. -

"I've never felt his comfortable with anyone," Dazai murmurs slowly, leaving a trail of wet kisses up the column of Chuuya's neck, slowly reaching to his jaw only to have Chuuya dips his head and clash their mouths together.

"Do you still want to-"

Chuuya is /heating up/, his -

voice rasp, and asking for this right now feels all too wrong and all too right at once so he stops.

But Dazai pulls at his lower lip, sucking on it gently, and looks into his eyes sheepishly.

"The choice is yours," he says, tensing slightly, and Chuuya's head is /spinning/. -

Chuuya slowly slides his hands through Dazai's hair, pulling at them enough to make him hiss, and Chuuya's stomach doubles over at how forcefully a new wave of /want/ hits him.

"I told you, I want you /more/," he says, speaking with his lips brushing over Dazai's, teasing. -

And he's /trying/ to clear his head because he /needs/ Dazai to stay comfortable with him - under his touch.

So the way Chuuya brings his hands at Dazai's neck, stroking the skin gently until he reaches the second and last button left to keep his shirt's collar closed -

it's calculated, attentive, and Chuuya hopes Dazai won't recoil under his fingers when he pops it open.

Dazai doesn't, but Chuuya is worried he's not even /breathing/.

Pressing their mouths together again, Chuuya stills, waiting until Dazai kisses him back, and -

when he does, Chuuya smiles against his lips.

"Ok," he mumbles, breaking apart and leaning back enough to look at Dazai properly, locking their eyes.

"Ok," Dazai breaths, nodding at him. "If it's a turndown, though, I've brought bandages so I-"

"Nonsense."

Chuuya shakes his -

head, rolling his eyes.

He needs to change the mood. He wants Dazai to stop worrying, to stop overthinking about the marks on his body.

At this point, Chuuya is expecting to find horrible scars, on his skin, and it's been wondering about it even /before/ Dazai told him -

about them. So... it doesn't matter anymore.

Chuuya slides easily off Dazai's lap, and he grabs one of his arms to pull him forward so that both can stand.

Dazai lifts his brows, a smile pulling at his lips, and Chuuya grins.

"Shots?"

Dazai chuckles, pressing a hand over his-

face to hide a laugh - and even if it's a nervous one, for Chuuya is enough.

So he pulls the boy to the kitchen again, opening a cabinet that holds liquor bottles and then turns to him.

"Preference?"

"You pick it."

/Perfect/, Chuuya grins, grabbing a bottle of vodka. -

Then he gets to de fridge to retrieve the pineapple juice and behind him Dazai is /laughing/ now. And it's genuine.

Chuuya bites his lips not to /giggle/, but he makes a face at him, grinning.

Once he sets to small glasses on the table, they sit next to each other on the stools

and Chuuya pours them four: two of juice and two of vodka.

"Bottom ups?" Dazai asks, grabbing the vodka, and at Chuuya's nod, he drinks his. Chuuya follows, and they both are grimacing before gulping down the juice shot.

Leaning his head back, Chuuya breaths in, nerves -

relaxing as the alcohol sets into his system, and then he looks back to the table, Dazai is already refilling.

"Good boy..." Chuuya grins, hitting their shoulder together, and Dazai puts a hand down on his tight, squeezing teasingly as he holds his glass again. -

They go on with it for another round, then Dazai holds his hand up announcing that it should be enough, but he fills the shot glass with juice.

"I follow advices," Dazai shrugs, at Chuuya's pointed look, and the way they start chuckle together is heartwarming. -

When they quiet down, Chuuya looks at him again, leaning on his elbow on the table.

"Did you bring condoms?"

Dazai blinks, sending a look to the bedroom where he left his bag.

"....yes?"

"Good, I wasn't sure about the /size/," Chuuya bites his lips, and it's plainly sultry. -

Dazai shakes his head amused but just stares at him.

"What...?"

"You're just gorgeous," Dazai says softly, eyes shifting to Chuuya's swollen lips, and Chuuya won't be able to tame himself for longer. He just /knows/ it.

"Do you need to use the bathroom?"

"Yeah," Dazai nods, standing - and it's obvious he's /grateful/ for the chance to get a moment alone.

So Chuuya waits for him in his bedoorm. He puts on the side regulable lamp - its a gentle light, not so bright, but he likes to keep it low and to sleep with it on at times. -

By the time Dazai gets back, Chuuya has pulled out a towel (just in case) and lube, setting them on his beside table, and he's starting to grow nervous, for some reason.

He sprints to the bathroom after telling Dazai to make himself comfortable, and when he stares at himself -

in the mirror, Chuuya admits he's not half bad.

His mouth is swollen and his hair wilder than he thought, but he feels /good/. He /looks/ good.

So after rinsing his mouth and emptying his bladder for good, he steps in the shower /really/ quickly - because it helps to clear -

his mind, even if it might take a few minutes more.

He's careful not to wet his hair, so when he gets back in the room, Dazai is casually lying on his bed, still fully clothed as he left him.

"Allright, pants down mackerel," Chuuya says playfully, standing right in front of him

half naked - the shirt is forgotten in the bathroom, and he's just wearing fresh boxers.

Dazai swallows a bit. His eyes drapes all over Chuuya's skin as he sits up, hands already working on opening his pants.

But when Chuuya steps forward, Dazai pulls him closer and presses -

his face on Chuuya's belly, leaving a couple of kisses on the heated and damp skin.

Chuuya shivers, but tangles his fingers in his hair, and when Dazai mouth moves lower he trembles, feeling himself harden - and Chuuya is /not/ expecting Dazai's mouth on his dick any soon. -

So he's not much disappointed when Dazai's mouth just presses on his pronounced hipbone, biting on it gently but enough for Chuuya to shake and /pull/ at Dazai's hair.

Pushing the other down, Chuuya /climbs/ him, settling on his hip - he makes a show of pressing his ass right -

on the growing bulge in Dazai's pants.

But he needs to break the mood soon after.

"Are you okay with..." he clicks his tongue, a bit annoyed at his strain, but Dazai just caresses his hips, trapped below him.

"Are /you/ comfortable with taking this off?" Chuuya asks, fingers -

playing with Dazai's shirt.

But then Dazai nods. He looks /sure/, and even if Chuuya can /feel/ him tense when his hand reaches for the buttons, Dazai lets him.

In the beginning, at least.

Because now he's pushing Chuuya up, and for the third time tonight Chuuya finds himself-

straddling Dazai, sitting in his lap.

"I'll do it," Dazai says, voice low as he stares down at himself, button after button.

The skin beneath is pale. He looks delicate and the muscles are very pronounced, but Chuuya doesn't mind.
Still, he can't /avoid/ let his eyes wander. -

When they meet the scare on his neck, close to the base of it, he can't pretend /not/ to be a little affected.

Dazai notices, and stills. His shirt is fully open but he's not trying to peel it off yet. Instead, he's keeping his breath waiting for /any/ reaction from Chuuya. -

All Chuuya can do, is /not/ coming up with sappy words, or useless shrugs. No. He leans forward and pressed his lips on the scar, which is thick and jagged around the front of his neck - just like a loose chocker would fit as an accessory.

But this is no accessory. -

This scar under his lips is a constant reminder of something terrible that happened to Dazai. But he came out from that /alive/ and stronger, somehow.

Chuuya doesn't know the details, not really, but right /now/ it doesn't matter.

And when Dazai grips at his hips forcefully, -

Chuuya /knows/ the message is quite clear.

/Don't hold back with me/.

/It doesn't matter/.

So when Chuuya takes his head, staring deep in Dazai's eyes, he has to ask one final time.

"Are you comfortable?"

Dazai nods.

"Are you... in a good place?" Chuuya strokes his fingers

on his temple, letting him catch the implications of his question.

Dazai smiles - and is wide, and so /beautiful/ - and nods again.

"/Right now/, I'm at the best place I could ever be."

To say that Chuuyas heart doesn't stop for a second at his words, would be a lie. -

Chuuya /wants/ Dazai, so much it's almost painful.
So much, it's scary to think it through.

Too soon.
Reckless.

But he does, and to stop his mind from breaking past boundaries, Chuuya takes Dazai's lips for one more kiss, deep and intense as he rolls his hips on him. -

While they kiss, Chuuya sneaks his hands under Dazai's shirt, palms wide open on his chest as he touches him for the first time, and Dazai /moans/ into his mouth.

He's /shivering/, and he's kissing Chuuya even more fervently.

When was the last time Dazai has been touched on -

naked skin? Did someone ever touch him like this?

Questions are swirling into Chuuya's head, the kiss is mindblowing and his hips are grinding lazily against Dazai's shallow upward thrusts.

And just then, Chuuya moves his hands up, under the shirt, sliding them around his -

shoulders and pulling slowly the shirt off Dazai's back and arms.

Dazai breaks apart, breathing heavily, but he's pressing their faces together, trying to recollect. But he lets Chuuya peel the shirt off, letting it fall on the floor behind him.

Chuuya wants to /see/, but -

he won't risk moving now that Dazai has let him fully expose his /weakness/, what for Dazai is nothing but something to be ashamed of.

So Chuuya slowly trails his fingers on his skin and claims back his mouth. He grinds himself /harder/ on him, while fingertips -

meet damages skin on his journey down Dazais arms.

It's a lot.

Chuuya can tell it's /a lot/ of them. A lot of marks.
They spread from his biceps down his forearm, as a tapestry of scars.

But it's not disgusting.
That's the last thing Chuuya would think of Dazai's scars. -

"Chuuya-"

Dazai breaks the kiss, panting his name and pressing his face deep into Chuuya's neck. His fingers are gripping on Chuuya's hips so hard it's almost painful and Chuuya stops grinding, stops moving.

He's only resting his hands on Dazai's arms now, brushing his nose -

between his hair.

And then the world does upside down.

Dazai is pushing him to a side, rolling them over until he's pressing Chuuya on the mattress, knocking the air out of him when he crushes on his body.

"Daz--mph!"

The kiss this time is plain /hunger/.

Hands are -

everywhere on Chuuya as Dazais tongue fills his mouth and threatening his brain to disconnect all at once when Dazai grinds on him from above - that's new, and Chuuya /craves/ it.

So he tries to tug at Dazai's pants until he's lifting his hips enough for Chuuya to pull them -

down, and Dazai kicks them messily and clumsily off his legs before diving back, and Chuuya is chuckling.

Dazai is /so/ eager, and the way he curses at his pants getting stuck has been just a /tiny/ bit hilarious, so Chuuya can't swallow his laugh, although soft. -

Dazai is interdict when he's facing him again, but it's quick to join Chuuya's chuckles, then, taking a deep breath to calm his sudden /needs/.

And when Chuuya pulls him closer - arms crossing behind his back - and Dazai braces himself with his elbows right next Chuuya's head, -

scars are in the view.

Dazai doesn't seem to mind /too/ much - he's just a little wary - but when Chuuya leans to one of his arms to kiss his skin, licking the edge of a scar on his biceps, Dazai exhales softly, cradling his face and turning him toward himself. -

Dazai stares at him, and Chuuya can /feel/ the words of gratitude and appreciation swirling into his brain, so he shakes lightly his head, bringing a hand up to grab at Dazai's nape, pulling him down enough for their noses to touch.

"Fuck me, Dazai," he murmurs, dead serious. -

"I want you to enjoy this. So fuck me, and not worry about a single /thing/."

Dazai swallows and pulls at Chuuya's lower lip with his thumb.
He looks so /taken/ in the sight, Chuuya smirks.

"Can you do that?"

Dazai nods as he takes a short breath in, shaky with excitement. -

NSFW scene on my priv @anataonametai



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https://twitter.com/anataonametai/status/1263477210087858183

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>> NO major PLOT will be cut from the public thread. <<

Notes:
it took so long for the two idiots to finally copulate *rolls*
Nothing major happened, aside Dazai realizing that he has little no shame about being with a guy and /enjoying/ it.

When Dazai is back to the room, Chuuya is snoozing curled on a side, hugging one of his pillows.

And it's not exactly a /sexy/ picture to come to when he promised more sex, but Dazai smiles at the /cuteness/ of the scene in front of his eyes.

When he sits on the bed, Chuuya-

stirs, blinking sleepily before focusing on Dazai.

"Hey-"

"Hey," Dazai smiles, and he reaches out with a hand to stroke his head, brushing red locks off his face.

"Weren't you ready to /go at it again/?" Dazai chuckles, and Chuuya pouts.

"I am..... soon. I need a nap." -

Dazai chuckles and pinches playfully his cheek.

"it's almost 1AM Chibi, it's okay if we sleep. It's been quite a night," he says softly.

Chuuya grumbles, but then nods, getting on on his elbows first and then sitting up to blindly tug his bedsheet open.

Dazai stands again, -

grabbing his backpack and taking out a pair of boxers to wear.

And when Chuuya looks up at him again, after sneaking inside the bed, Dazai is unfolding a roll of bandages.

Frowning, Chuuya stares, until Dazai starts to wrap them around his forearm.

"...why are you putting -

them on to /sleep/?"

Dazai looks back at Chuuya surprised, stopping his hand.

"I..." he looks confused with himself, honestly, and then he shrugs. "I don't know. It's weird not to wear them-"

"We've just been rolling on each other /naked/ Dazai," Chuuya lets his head fall on-

the pillow with a huff.

"I mean... if you feel uncomfortable, okay. But... if it's for me..." Chuuya shakes his head, brushing his hand on the bed next to him with a relaxed face. "I really don't care."

Dazai swallows, glancing at the spot where Chuuya is palming the bed, -

and then at the bandages.

It takes a few seconds for him to make up his mind, but then he breaths in deep and discards the bandages, packing them back in his bag.

Chuuya smiles contently at him, and when Dazai gets to the bed, under the light sheet, Chuuya huddles closer. -

Now that arousal and eagerness are fated, Dazai seems to be more hesitant with contact.

Chuuya peers up at him, close, but not enough to /touch/ yet, and Dazai seems a little tense. His shoulder and biceps are exposed from the sheet, the gentle light washes him in amber -

shades, reflecting on the visible scars on his arm.

Dazai is looking down at him, and Chuuya's head is filling with thoughts. Once again...

"...has anyone ever touched you like this?"

Chuuya can barely recognize his own voice, as he gently presses his palm on Dazai's chest. -

His naked skin is warm, and Dazai shivers under his hand are noticeable.

"Not really," Dazai murmurs, sounding confused himself.

Slowly, Chuuya traces light lines with his fingers along his pecs, reaching for his shoulder and then down his arm, and Dazai almost flinches -

away when his fingertips meet the first scars.

"...I don't understand why you're trusting me /this much/," Chuuya whispers, honestly, but he doesn't take back his hand. Instead, he keeps brushing his hand lower, following the path of his scars.

Dazai is silent, but Chuuya can -

/hear/ his heartbeat.

Frantic. Loud.

So when he looks up at him again, Dazai looks in between upset and frustrated.

"Dazai?"

"I don't know," he says, wetting his lips - and it's not sensual, it's a nervous gesture Chuuya has seen him doing earlier as well. -

"Is it a mistake to trust you with this?"

The question takes Chuuya by surprise - /hurt/ stings a bit at his guts like a stab - but Dazai doesn't look annoyed.

He looks hopeful.
And it makes Chuuya feel /hopeful/.

So Chuuya just shakes his head, shifting closer enough -

to press his face against Dazai's chest.

He's squeezing Dazai's forearm in his hand now, but when he sighs - hot hair hitting Dazai's skin - the other seems to relax.

Dazai moves his arm free from Chuuya's hold and drapes it around the boy's waist, pressing him /closer/. -

"I thought..." Dazai's throat tightens - Chuuya feels him swallow from where he's pressed against his head through the hug.

"I /felt/ like going crazy, lately."

Chuuya isn't sure he's supposed to respond or wait, so he just sneaks his arm around Dazai's back.

"Like what?" -

"Alone," Dazai mutters, lips between his hair as he speaks. "Lost. Pretty lonely, to be honest."

Hands are caressing gently Chuuya's back and hips while the other speaks, and he decided to close his eyes, trying to relax against Dazai.

"It was boring... and I don't deal well -

with boring. I get angsty, restless... I keep seeking distraction that sometimes just makes it worse," Dazai keeps saying, and the more he talks the more Chuuya feels those emotions swirling in his chest /settle/.

It's /rare/, for him, to feel this way.
But with Dazai nothing -

has been /ordinary/ since the very first moment.

"And when we met the first time, I was having one of those /bad/ days, but when I got back I felt better enough not to take any of my medications, because I had my mind all wrapped around you."

It's /so much/, to hear, -

and Chuuya is starting to freak out.

Because they barely know each other and they just came down from a huge rollercoaster of emotions and /lust/, and it's easy for those things to meddle with feelings.

His survival instincts kick in, overprotective.

"...are you gonna confess-

that you're madly in love with me?" Chuuya asks then, trying to /crack/ the mood, to drag it to a /safe/ zone.

It's lame, and he's probably just trying to /avoid/ his own feelings. Maybe he's just /overthinking/ as usual, and Dazai is not implying anything.

But Chuuya doesn't -

want to risk that.

Dazai squeezes him for a second.
And then he's muffling a laugh between his air.

"Maybe."

Chuuya feels himself go rigid. His breath catches in his throat and his embrace around Dazai gores /tighter/ than ever.

"...but it would be crazy, right?" Dazai adds.-

"Yes."

Chuuya takes a breath and leans back to get more air because it's /hard/ to do so.

One of Dazai's hands reaches up for his face and lifts it up until they're looking at each other.

"Would you be against it?"

Chuuya feels /small/ under his stare. Smaller than he /is/. -

"Dazai-"

"I'm not saying anything. I'm considering that the idea of falling for you wouldn't be the worst thing that may happen in my life."

It's true.
Chuuya is struck by that bold statements, and his eyes go a bit /wide/ and Dazai chuckles.

"...you're talking like this just-

because you just fucked me."

Dazai frowns at Chuuya's words. They're harsh even if whispered, and Chuuya bites his lips regretting not thinking twice before opening his mouth.

"I mean-"

"I know what you mean," Dazai cuts him short, lost in thoughts. But his hand is still -

cradling Chuuya's jaw, his thumb is slowly caressing his chin and brushing on his lower lip.

"And you're right, Chibi. But it doesn't change the fact that you /must/ be special for making me feel /this/ comfortable in my own skin while I'm next to you."

Chuuya wants to slap -

himself at the hint of sadness laced with Dazai's words, and he pouts - pissed at himself - grunting lowly.

"I'm sorry I'm... a bit..." he's not sure what he wants to say, but Dazai shakes his head.

"It's fine. I had many girls saying they were in love with me just after -

a quickie. I get what you mean, I guess I'm just being... emotional," Dazai grimaces, rolling his eyes - and Chuuya swears there's a pink share dusting his cheeks.

"It's the first time I get /this/ intimate with someone. It's messing with my head-"

"And I like that.

This time-

is Chuuya interrupting him. It's Chuuya that moves up to take Dazai's face in his hands.

"I told you before... this isn't about feelings. But it doesn't mean there can't be /any/. I like that you trust me. That you feel at /ease/ with me," he says, and his voice is /urgent/. -

"We're playing a dangerous game here, okay? And... /you/ are risking a lot. The least I can do is, to be honest, and make you feel wanted. And I don't even have to /pretend/ that because I /want/ you."

Dazai blinks surprised, trying to follow Chuuya's logic. It might be a tiny -

twisted, but he gets it.

"You don't have to worry for me, you know that right? You might have expertly seduced me," Dazai grins, bending forward to close the gap between them and press their forehead together.

"But I'm here because /I want it/."

Chuuya smiles, pleased. -

"You know, this makes sex even better," Chuuya muses, brushing their lips together.

"Trust, want... if we're just /honest/, it makes things /good/. And /I/ like cuddles."

Dazai must understand this is the way for Chuuya to try put an end to the discussion because he nods -

and lets Chuuya kiss him, slow but steady.

It feels like they're /sealing/ a mute agreement with this kiss, and they both sigh with content when they part.

Then Chuuya is nuzzling against Dazai's chest against, and he settles his arms around him lazily.

"Now that we're -

clear... cuddle me to sleep. You're a handful and I'm exhausted," Chuuya grumbles against his skin, making Dazai chuckle.

But then he's hugging him /tight/.

"Thank you for /dealing/ with me, Chibi."

"You're welcome, Idiot."

---
END PART 8

Morning after maybe next scene?