It had to happen. This is what the characters of the British secondary-school history curriculum would order on deliveroo.

1) Thomas Becket. Used to always be down for Nandos with the boys, who are now stunned that he opts for vegetarian moussaka https://twitter.com/jonnysellin/status/1263148396724006913
It had to happen. This is what the characters of the British secondary-school history curriculum would order on deliveroo.1) Thomas Becket. Used to always be down for Nandos with the boys, who are now stunned that he opts for vegetarian moussaka https://twitter.com/jonnysellin/status/1263148396724006913
It had to happen. This is what the characters of the British secondary-school history curriculum would order on deliveroo.1) Thomas Becket. Used to always be down for Nandos with the boys, who are now stunned that he opts for vegetarian moussaka https://twitter.com/jonnysellin/status/1263148396724006913
It had to happen. This is what the characters of the British secondary-school history curriculum would order on deliveroo.1) Thomas Becket. Used to always be down for Nandos with the boys, who are now stunned that he opts for vegetarian moussaka https://twitter.com/jonnysellin/status/1263148396724006913
2) Charles I. After being advised by the Privy Council to boost his popularity with the common man, reluctantly orders the most expensive item from Gourmet Burget Kitchen. Proceeds to eat it with a knife and fork.
2) Charles I. After being advised by the Privy Council to boost his popularity with the common man, reluctantly orders the most expensive item from Gourmet Burget Kitchen. Proceeds to eat it with a knife and fork.
2) Charles I. After being advised by the Privy Council to boost his popularity with the common man, reluctantly orders the most expensive item from Gourmet Burget Kitchen. Proceeds to eat it with a knife and fork.
3) Harald Hardraada. Orders a burrito so large you're amazed they managed to fit it all in. Small weakness in the foil wrapping means eventual and inevitable collapse
3) Harald Hardraada. Orders a burrito so large you're amazed they managed to fit it all in. Small weakness in the foil wrapping means eventual and inevitable collapse
3) Harald Hardraada. Orders a burrito so large you're amazed they managed to fit it all in. Small weakness in the foil wrapping means eventual and inevitable collapse
4) Richard the Lionheart. Misses the original Deliveroo order, nobody knows where he is. Suddenly arrives back from absolute bender of a military campaign having stopped off at kebab van, made best friends with guys working there, gets photo with them from behind the counter
4) Richard the Lionheart. Misses the original Deliveroo order, nobody knows where he is. Suddenly arrives back from absolute bender of a military campaign having stopped off at kebab van, made best friends with guys working there, gets photo with them from behind the counter
4) Richard the Lionheart. Misses the original Deliveroo order, nobody knows where he is. Suddenly arrives back from absolute bender of a military campaign having stopped off at kebab van, made best friends with guys working there, gets photo with them from behind the counter
5) Richard Arkwright. Determined to emphasise his humble roots, always opts for cod and chips with scraps. Delivery riders smell a rat when they arrive at the end of the driveway and realise it's a castle.
5) Richard Arkwright. Determined to emphasise his humble roots, always opts for cod and chips with scraps. Delivery riders smell a rat when they arrive at the end of the driveway and realise it's a castle.
5) Richard Arkwright. Determined to emphasise his humble roots, always opts for cod and chips with scraps. Delivery riders smell a rat when they arrive at the end of the driveway and realise it's a castle.
6) Neville Chamberlain. Boiled rice, chicken korma, plain naan. Can barely finish half of it and gives the rest away
6) Neville Chamberlain. Boiled rice, chicken korma, plain naan. Can barely finish half of it and gives the rest away
6) Neville Chamberlain. Boiled rice, chicken korma, plain naan. Can barely finish half of it and gives the rest away
I’m pausing this thread while I, predictably, go and get some food
7) Wat Tyler. One of those stupidly large takeaway boxes. An unrealistic idea to start with, undertaken on a whim when giddy spirits were high, rapidly very obvious it’s going to end badly
7) Wat Tyler. One of those stupidly large takeaway boxes. An unrealistic idea to start with, undertaken on a whim when giddy spirits were high, rapidly very obvious it’s going to end badly
7) Wat Tyler. One of those stupidly large takeaway boxes. An unrealistic idea to start with, undertaken on a whim when giddy spirits were high, rapidly very obvious it’s going to end badly
8) Elizabeth I. Likes her cheeseburger like she likes her Protestantism. Originally an eclectic German experiment, now an inoffensive, middle-of-the-road English institution, taken to wacky extremes by the Americans
8) Elizabeth I. Likes her cheeseburger like she likes her Protestantism. Originally an eclectic German experiment, now an inoffensive, middle-of-the-road English institution, taken to wacky extremes by the Americans
8) Elizabeth I. Likes her cheeseburger like she likes her Protestantism. Originally an eclectic German experiment, now an inoffensive, middle-of-the-road English institution, taken to wacky extremes by the Americans
9) Emmeline Pankhurst. Utterly determined not to accept the status quo of takeaway curry and chow mein, Pankhurst orders tomato soup, a totally rogue, even awkward delivery option, and one that if rattled too much you’ll never get rid of it.
9) Emmeline Pankhurst. Utterly determined not to accept the status quo of takeaway curry and chow mein, Pankhurst orders tomato soup, a totally rogue, even awkward delivery option, and one that if rattled too much you’ll never get rid of it.
9) Emmeline Pankhurst. Utterly determined not to accept the status quo of takeaway curry and chow mein, Pankhurst orders tomato soup, a totally rogue, even awkward delivery option, and one that if rattled too much you’ll never get rid of it.
10) Philip II of Spain. Unknown why he was invited in the first place, and then spends the evening talking evolutionary psychology and Jordan Peterson videos. Insists beef bourguignon delivers really well then throws a disproportionate strop when nobody agrees with him
10) Philip II of Spain. Unknown why he was invited in the first place, and then spends the evening talking evolutionary psychology and Jordan Peterson videos. Insists beef bourguignon delivers really well then throws a disproportionate strop when nobody agrees with him
10) Philip II of Spain. Unknown why he was invited in the first place, and then spends the evening talking evolutionary psychology and Jordan Peterson videos. Insists beef bourguignon delivers really well then throws a disproportionate strop when nobody agrees with him
11) Edward VIII. Causes a constitutional crisis when he orders a roast dinner in a box. Nothing wrong with it on paper, but, when eventually faced with the reality, the British public found it simply unforgivable.
11) Edward VIII. Causes a constitutional crisis when he orders a roast dinner in a box. Nothing wrong with it on paper, but, when eventually faced with the reality, the British public found it simply unforgivable.
11) Edward VIII. Causes a constitutional crisis when he orders a roast dinner in a box. Nothing wrong with it on paper, but, when eventually faced with the reality, the British public found it simply unforgivable.
12) King John. Still thinks peak masculinity is ordering “vindaloo and don’t hold back on the chillis mate”. Spends the evening bullying those who ordered biryani, inexplicably takes his shirt off and silently forces the last third down, violently sick afterwards.
12) King John. Still thinks peak masculinity is ordering “vindaloo and don’t hold back on the chillis mate”. Spends the evening bullying those who ordered biryani, inexplicably takes his shirt off and silently forces the last third down, violently sick afterwards.
12) King John. Still thinks peak masculinity is ordering “vindaloo and don’t hold back on the chillis mate”. Spends the evening bullying those who ordered biryani, inexplicably takes his shirt off and silently forces the last third down, violently sick afterwards.
13) Florence Nightingale. McDonalds chips dipped in a McFlurry. The thinking behind it is totally misguided, but the result works really well. See also: the theory of miasma and hospital hygiene
13) Florence Nightingale. McDonalds chips dipped in a McFlurry. The thinking behind it is totally misguided, but the result works really well. See also: the theory of miasma and hospital hygiene
13) Florence Nightingale. McDonalds chips dipped in a McFlurry. The thinking behind it is totally misguided, but the result works really well. See also: the theory of miasma and hospital hygiene
14) Edward VI. Eyebrows were raised when he ordered a surprisingly sophisticated beef pho, but it turned out to actually be ordered by his uncle. Given a Happy Meal by Duke Somerset and retreats to his room.
14) Edward VI. Eyebrows were raised when he ordered a surprisingly sophisticated beef pho, but it turned out to actually be ordered by his uncle. Given a Happy Meal by Duke Somerset and retreats to his room.
14) Edward VI. Eyebrows were raised when he ordered a surprisingly sophisticated beef pho, but it turned out to actually be ordered by his uncle. Given a Happy Meal by Duke Somerset and retreats to his room.
14) Edward VI. Eyebrows were raised when he ordered a surprisingly sophisticated beef pho, but it turned out to actually be ordered by his uncle. Given a Happy Meal by Duke Somerset and retreats to his room.
15) Christopher Columbus. Turkey twizzlers. Totally normal to find in primary schools in the late 1990s, but raises serious questions when presented as good thing nowadays.
15) Christopher Columbus. Turkey twizzlers. Totally normal to find in primary schools in the late 1990s, but raises serious questions when presented as good thing nowadays.
15) Christopher Columbus. Turkey twizzlers. Totally normal to find in primary schools in the late 1990s, but raises serious questions when presented as good thing nowadays.
16) Julius Caesar. Proudly declares, like the tikka masala, that he is king over all, but knows there are far better options waiting round the corner
16) Julius Caesar. Proudly declares, like the tikka masala, that he is king over all, but knows there are far better options waiting round the corner
16) Julius Caesar. Proudly declares, like the tikka masala, that he is king over all, but knows there are far better options waiting round the corner
17) Henry VIII. Stuffed crust pepperoni pizza. A meal of unnecessary excess that forces the chefs to engineer irreversible change to the longstanding establishment in order to engineer the weak vanity project of a mozzarella border
17) Henry VIII. Stuffed crust pepperoni pizza. A meal of unnecessary excess that forces the chefs to engineer irreversible change to the longstanding establishment in order to engineer the weak vanity project of a mozzarella border
17) Henry VIII. Stuffed crust pepperoni pizza. A meal of unnecessary excess that forces the chefs to engineer irreversible change to the longstanding establishment in order to engineer the weak vanity project of a mozzarella border
18) Oliver Cromwell. Veal cutlets: a real curveball of a Deliveroo order that everyone took one look at and vowed never to have again
18) Oliver Cromwell. Veal cutlets: a real curveball of a Deliveroo order that everyone took one look at and vowed never to have again
18) Oliver Cromwell. Veal cutlets: a real curveball of a Deliveroo order that everyone took one look at and vowed never to have again
19) Queen Victoria. Her era is that of the delivery pie and mash - originating in industrial graft, enjoying a long term of cultural dominance, and here to stay
19) Queen Victoria. Her era is that of the delivery pie and mash - originating in industrial graft, enjoying a long term of cultural dominance, and here to stay
19) Queen Victoria. Her era is that of the delivery pie and mash - originating in industrial graft, enjoying a long term of cultural dominance, and here to stay
20) and finally, Gavrilo Princip, who yet again is left making toasted sandwiches as the delivery drivers refuse to go near him.
20) and finally, Gavrilo Princip, who yet again is left making toasted sandwiches as the delivery drivers refuse to go near him.
20) and finally, Gavrilo Princip, who yet again is left making toasted sandwiches as the delivery drivers refuse to go near him.
THE END. TIME FOR BED
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