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My journey through PASUM 2019/2020 thread.
Things you should know before reading:
1. This isn't a motivation thread nor inspiring.
2. Those who know my identity, I want to remain discreet.
3. Im sharing this because I need some people to know this (I hope they read this).
Things you should know before reading:
1. This isn't a motivation thread nor inspiring.
2. Those who know my identity, I want to remain discreet.
3. Im sharing this because I need some people to know this (I hope they read this).
Some of you might think: why don't just tell them directly? I have my own reasons.
So, why PASUM? When I'm not even a Straight A student nor near miss student?
Simple solid reasons:
1.reduce the burdens of my parent
2.Reputation of UM
3.Failed to obtain a scholarship
So, why PASUM? When I'm not even a Straight A student nor near miss student?
Simple solid reasons:
1.reduce the burdens of my parent
2.Reputation of UM
3.Failed to obtain a scholarship
Yes, I am a 10A 1B 1C SPM student from a normal sekolah harian. Self studied 2 subjects just for the sake of broadening my knowledge and also that I dont know what I want to be.
Fast forward to life in PASUM, it started quite devastating, homesick, 1st time living in hostel.
Fast forward to life in PASUM, it started quite devastating, homesick, 1st time living in hostel.
But, that's fine for me. As a man, I'm not afraid to cry. It's better to cry than keeping the emotions in. Then, life is normal at PASUM as a student. Lectures, tutorials klusters, kafe.
Lucky enough, PASUM established some clubs for the first time. As a enthusiast of trying,
Lucky enough, PASUM established some clubs for the first time. As a enthusiast of trying,
I tried to be one of the Higher Council. Guess what, I managed to get a position! Life starts to get interesting here. As if, they are the closest family I have in PASUM.
For my midtest of semester 1, I am grateful that managed to obtain a satisfactory result.
After that......
For my midtest of semester 1, I am grateful that managed to obtain a satisfactory result.
After that......
Somehow my life started to tear apart.
One of my struggle is the ease of access to the outside world.
Imagine I went out the night before Physics 2 test to watch Joker at 10/11pm? The movie ended in the morning, as KUAZians, gate is closed at 12am. I spent my night at McD
One of my struggle is the ease of access to the outside world.
Imagine I went out the night before Physics 2 test to watch Joker at 10/11pm? The movie ended in the morning, as KUAZians, gate is closed at 12am. I spent my night at McD
Funny enough I smashed my phone from the exam hall (2 storeys high?)to the ground floor before entering the exam
Somehow since then, I went out after class more often, sleep during lecture, Netflix during lecture
Other things happened too
.....
Somehow since then, I went out after class more often, sleep during lecture, Netflix during lecture
Other things happened too
.....
The night before my 1st sem final, tears just burst out due to personal reasons. My best friend at PASUM (At least that's what I thought) comforted me.
How bad can it be? To the extend I went for counselling right after my first day of final exam ended.
How bad can it be? To the extend I went for counselling right after my first day of final exam ended.
Due to the emotions/ problems, i didnt study for final during the day. I started to revise the night(after midnight) before for every subjects.
And me not expecting a good result for my final, obviously.
And me not expecting a good result for my final, obviously.
When this showed up, I didn't feel happy. Instead, I was doubting whether this result is true or not.
Me in secondary school, trying so hard to get a straight A's but yet never done it.
Now, me in PASUM, acting like a bad*ss student but getting 4 flat?
Will you doubt it?
Me in secondary school, trying so hard to get a straight A's but yet never done it.
Now, me in PASUM, acting like a bad*ss student but getting 4 flat?
Will you doubt it?
Sem 2 is just getting worse. Playing truant for no solid reasons. Not doing tutorials at all...going out from UM during our break.
In a nutshell, Im no longer care my responsiblity as a PASUM students.
Staying the whole nights out at McD Bangsar, McD Bukit Bintang, Kl Sentral.
In a nutshell, Im no longer care my responsiblity as a PASUM students.
Staying the whole nights out at McD Bangsar, McD Bukit Bintang, Kl Sentral.
Skip a whole day of lecture... I'm losing my mind,isn't it?
Then, one day, I can't stand it went to PPUM to meet a Psychiatrist with the referral letter by Counselling teacher.
Guess what? After telling my situation to the doctor, I was admitted into the ward for 2 weeks.
Then, one day, I can't stand it went to PPUM to meet a Psychiatrist with the referral letter by Counselling teacher.
Guess what? After telling my situation to the doctor, I was admitted into the ward for 2 weeks.
Yes , I spent 14 days in the psychiatric ward in PPUM due to personal reasons when I was supposed to attend lectures/tutorials
So what ilness do I have? Are you Crazy? I am diagnosed with depression (guess it's bad since Im admitted) and also ADHD.
WHY GOT ADMITTED?
So what ilness do I have? Are you Crazy? I am diagnosed with depression (guess it's bad since Im admitted) and also ADHD.
WHY GOT ADMITTED?
Agreed that depression somehow is a norm among youngsters nowadays. Well, guess I was admitted because of su*****l caution hahah
Gotta admit, staying in the hospital is somehow better than going back out here. But, can't deny I cried quite often in there.
hahah Gotta admit, staying in the hospital is somehow better than going back out here. But, can't deny I cried quite often in there.
Ermmmm....guess its no use me typing all this right? Dont think anyone will read this.... ahahaha. Stupid dear self
The reason I tell all of this is I hurt a lot of people during this time. A lot....
Neglecting my responsibilities as I hold some positions. Sometimes, I chose to ghost others when they're seeking for me.Not doing the tasks given at all. Involve in the beginning....
Neglecting my responsibilities as I hold some positions. Sometimes, I chose to ghost others when they're seeking for me.Not doing the tasks given at all. Involve in the beginning....
And ghosted myself during halfway through the tasks..
Im sorry. I know this is just excuses. I dont even deserve to be forgiven. But, I want all of you to know, I deserve to be blamed on. Due to my actions, things were delayed.
Im sorry. I know this is just excuses. I dont even deserve to be forgiven. But, I want all of you to know, I deserve to be blamed on. Due to my actions, things were delayed.
