Story time: I ate a small bowl of yogurt a few nights ago.

I sat on the couch eating — only to feel a set of eyeballs burning thru my soul.

My wife: “Why are you eating a bowl of mayonnaise?”

I explain to her it’s yogurt — we don’t have mayo. Nobody eats it.

And then (1/X)

I realize not do we not have any mayo...AND...

WE ARE OUT OF ICE CREAM.

I BEGIN TO SCHEME. (2/X)

I purposely buy mayo on my next visit to the store and use it — sparingly — on my sandwiches the last few days. (3/X)

Today I bought ice cream: Mint Chocolate Chip & Chocolate Chip Cookie Dough.

This is me as I grabbing the ice cream and checking out (4/X)

I get home and I can barely contain myself.

Scarf down dinner - take the kids and the new born on a bike ride/walk around the block - get home.

GAME FACE (5/X)

ICE CREAM!!!!!! (6/X)

I ask my wife what kind she wants.

Her: A scoop of both...

Me: (7/X)

I get both — Opening the fridge and freezer at the same time so, you know, she doesn’t hear anything *suspicious*.

It feels like it takes me an hour to get this right. The deed is done.

No going back. (8/X)

I hand her the bowl and set up shop on the couch.

As I’m trying to sneak video, my daughter whips around. She has a smirk on her face.

Her: Why are you filming mom?

Me: (9/X)

I come up with a lame excuse. EVERYBODY BUYS IT.

Anyway, baby gets fussy - is hungry. Prank gets PAUSED.

I ask my wife if she wants me to put her bowl in the freezer so it doesn’t melt...

Her: YES

Me: (10/X)

Baby calms down — PRANK IS UNPAUSED. (11/X)

She’s slowly eating her ice cream — I mean enjoying every bite.

AND THEN...(12/X)

I can see the wheels turning.

It’s the *oh my god what did I eat* look on her face

AND THEN...

SHE SCOOPED UP ANOTHER BITE (13/X)

(14X)

Me: How you like that bowl of mayo?

Her — as I’m laughing: (15X)

Anyway, now my wife is giggling and looking at me.

Send help.

(END)