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We also need to have the conversation that the death of a loved one with both a relief and a loss. It's a personal experience, but I've only ever felt free since my mom died, I just didn't have the ability to be as free as I knew I truly was because I was still a minor.
It's just...her family. It's too stressful. And now that my grandmother is gone, I just feel like I can finally heal and break free from that toxicity. It honestly feels so good. I don't think I have ever felt this light in my life and this is what I've longed for since I was 15.
The obligation is just too much to carry. It really was just killing me and unfortunately, I did not look after myself as well and as much as I could've throughout that. I don't have to carry any of this anymore, and thank fucking God. Thank you. My life is mine. God bless truly!
When you have such a close exp w/ death, you learn and come to realize how much death holds, how much it gives you. You don't have to prove a relationship or a love, it's there in your heart, and that's enough. To have those freeing deaths in my life, I'm truly blessed for that.
I've always ensured that I wouldn't have regrets when it came to the living. And so I don't feel burdensome in the aftermath of those losses, and that to me not only proves my character here on Earth, but gives me peace. And I'm taking that peace, and I'm choosing to live in it.
This thread sums up the insight parental loss during adolescence gives you. You go through a lot so young & overcome it. It just takes its time. I'm at ease nearly 9yrs later. It took 9yrs for everything to fall into place. Those yrs were heavy. This is the beauty of growing up.
