Every now & then it just hits me all over again that this will truly never be over. I& #39;m gonna spend the rest of my life hunting for my videos, having my trauma watched & shared by hundreds, thousands, millions of people.
I can& #39;t keep doing this. I can& #39;t live like this.

In college, I won& #39;t have the luxury of spending all day searching for my videos to make sure they& #39;re taken down. So they& #39;re just gonna stay up.
I can& #39;t wrap my head around the fact that I& #39;ll be an old lady & people will still be jerking off to me getting raped as a baby.

Does it ever get easier? Do I want it to?
When I& #39;m an adult with a job, or when I& #39;m old & wrinkled, will it still hurt as much as it does now? Or will I get used to it.
Which is worse?

I always think I& #39;ve gotten used to it. But then I see a video like last night& #39;s, where I& #39;m still wearing the cap the hospital put on me when I was born. And I just fall apart.

I don& #39;t know how I& #39;m supposed to deal with this. This isn& #39;t the kind of thing you can recover from.

And, it& #39;s always gonna be like this. I can& #39;t just wait for it to be over. It& #39;s never gonna be over. The cycle will continue until I& #39;m dead, and then it& #39;ll keep going. But I won& #39;t be there to stop it.
At least I won& #39;t have to deal with it anymore.