1. I’d like to share an anecdotal “toll paid” story that unfortunately is all too common but rarely allowed to be publicly discussed without slanderous words being thrown around to deny the realities of this world

My wife grew up with this girl, we’ll call her Kylie...

2. Kylie was a couple years younger than my wife. They lived in the same neighborhood, a new and decent middle class neighborhood, but Kylie’s parents weren’t the sharpest tools in the shed, and neither was Kylie tbh but she was nice and friendly, and my wife looked out for her

3. They were a Christian family, but it seemed they were more like a “Jesus forgives, so I’ll do whatever” kind of Christianity, and were involved in questionable things. They frequently went hungry, and my wife’s mom would invite Kylie over for breakfast, lunch, and dinner

4. Kylie’s dad made some bad financial decisions and bankrupted the family, and they had to move away. My wife didn’t see Kylie again until they were in their 20s when they found each other on Facebook

5. They caught up on life, her parents had since divorced, she had just gotten out of an abusive relationship with a black guy, and she was working to put herself through junior college

6. She thought she’d be alone forever because she hadn’t dated anyone in a month , so she turned to an online dating website (this was like 2007, so no swipe left)

7. She wanted to meet a good Christian like herself, and she found the man of her dreams: we’ll call him Jacobe, a black guy from the projects near Washington DC with two kids from two different girls who had already been in jail for shoplifting and domestic violence

8. But you see, he was a good Christian like her. He only stole because he needed to feed his keeds, Jesus forgave him, and a good man takes care of his keeds. And he said he dindu nuffin when his baby momma had him arrested for hitting her because she lied

9. So he flew out to California to meet Kylie. He never went back to DC though. Her friends warned her that this was a bad idea & to be careful, & she just cut her friends out of her life. My wife noticed this, & tried to be helpful where she could, but not enough to be alienated

10. She wanted to try to show her how things COULD be, to be a positive influence, to help guide her through decisions and learn from mistakes, but some people can’t be saved from themselves.

11. She’d talk about Jacobe in these positive ways like, “he’s so strong he can pick me up and throw me across the room onto the bed!” She’s like 5’9” and 170, not fat but thicc. My wife is 5’6” 110, and somehow it never occurred to me to ever throw her across the room

12. They got kicked out of their apartment, and ended up living in her car parked outside her fast food job where they ate, and bathed at the public pool. Whatever happened to them was “God’s Will” they said, and apparently screaming “Oh God” in the backseat was daily worship

13. Of course they didn’t use protection because “if God wanted a baby, he’d make a baby”, and she got pregnant. Some lady at the church they started attending let them sleep on her couch because she felt sorry for them

14. Baby boy LaShawn came. They got married. And a month later she was pregnant again. After that baby girl, Nevaeh, was born, he got tired of listening to babies crying and punched the boy in the face repeatedly wanting him to stop and threw him across the room into the wall

15. She kicked him out, he flew back to DC, & she hasn’t seen him since. Neither has her keeds. When LaShawn was 9 he had the vocabulary of a 3-4yo, and would just walk around grunting. The three words he could say clearly while crying though were “where’s my daddy?!” He’s 13 now

16. Kylie paid the toll, & others have stepped in to fill the roll. She gets help from the friends she’s let back into her life, & her family. She doesn’t date, at least I don’t think she does, but she did move in with this 50yo guy, not exactly sure what their “arrangement” is

17. Kylie became a statistic, a socially obvious but not a publicly and openly acceptable statistic, yet a measurable statistic nonetheless. Would being exposed to any of the statistics have persuaded her though?
h/t @heywildrich