u ever think abt how one of the reasons akiteru felt like he had to lie about volleyball is bc when he looked at kei’s glowing look of pure awe & pride in HIS accomplishments, he probably couldn’t help but think guiltily, “i don’t want you to ever stop looking at me like that.”

a small part of tsukki believes it was his fault aki needed to lie. he saw aki’s passion for volleyball & it grew into hope. part of why he developed the mentality that putting in that much effort only makes the fall worse bc he knew he played a part in how bad aki got hurt

this was less clear in the anime but i love yamaguchi pointing out that tsukki’s “lame” wasn’t directed at akiteru. it was directed at himself. tsukki taught HIMSELF that becoming too joyful & eager about things like volleyball has led to the greatest shame he’s ever felt

later he finally gets closure from aki that his younger idolization didn’t ruin aki’s spirit for good. he’d been harboring a lot of internalized guilt for himself & deflecting it w/ apathy but it’s so healing to realize his childish mistake didn’t ruin but also strengthened aki

in the end i think tsukki really had to forgive himself more than his brother but when he sees that aki still loves the feeling & joy of playing volleyball, he is also finally able to open himself back up to feeling his Moment too

bc he closed himself off at such an early age, tsukki lived most of his life being unreceptive to the glory & pleasurable feelings that volleyball brings. once he opens back up, he’s able to fully thrive & grow in it- and this time it’s not just for aki but for himself as well

ANYWAY THERE’S NOT A SINGLE DAY THAT GOES BY WHERE I DON’T THINK ABOUT THIS BUT SINCE I’M FINALLY WORKING ON MY PIECE FOR THE TSUKKI ZINE THIS JUST HIT ME LIKE A TON OF BRICKS ALL OVER AGAIN. BLESS FURU-SENSEI FOR SUCH AMAZING WRITING AND CHARACTER DYNAMICS