How it feels like to lose a parent in your early 20s. Here’s how my journey’s been so far, till today as we completed a year:

1 min
Shock & confusion.
Desperately telling you we love you, although it’s too late. 1/n

30 mins
We kiss your face taking turns.
I reserve mine for the end, so that I get longer.
I touch your skin consciously, in a hurried attempt to memorise how it feels, forever forth. 2/n

6 hrs
Got so busy with your cremation, I forgot to grieve. We navigate through the evening traffic to put you to rest. I see kids with their mothers on the street, I’m so happy for them. 3/n

12 hours
Being wrenched awake by adrenaline,
I didn’t know grief could be so so physically painful.

2 days
Listening to my father tell the story of your passing over & over again to relatives & friends.
I can hardly bear it.
But I know this is how he needs to process it. 4/n

2 weeks
Each of the relatives left, the house is empty now. This place felt home to me only because of you. We look through your things, reminiscing them. We also find parts of your life I didn’t know of, or perhaps I’d forgotten or not paid enough attention when you told me. 5/n

1 month
Learning to navigate the waves.
Knowing it’ll feel better once I’ve left the grief out...until it comes again.

8 months
Biding goodbye to the last bit of you.
Your remains float away, I look at it until it goes out of sight. 6/n

1 year
I look at pictures for your memoir. I see you standing & smiling in them.
I’m so proud of you.
I found an old disk while clearing the drawer, it has footage from our trip to Singapore. Today it’s too painful, maybe next time. 7/7

That’s her. :)