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I’ve had a couple of quiet days on here, time away to think and reconsider. It’s been helpful.
I’ve had a couple of quiet days on here, time away to think and reconsider. It’s been helpful.
When I started hanging around NSFW / Femdom twitter, it was an anonymous outlet for my kink. A way to express submissive urges that I have felt for a very, very long time, but never been able to act on. I guess that’s repression?
I made some piss poor, and expensive, decisions at first, and I let myself be taken advantage of, but always on a level where I felt I could delete this alt account and go back to my vanilla life. Not quite happily, but knowing that it was easy to come and go.
That has changed recently. Perhaps because of external stresses (my relationship, family, career, the world) it feels like I have come to value this - and certain people - more than I was ever planning to.
And opening myself up to what truly turns me on has been utterly (and explicitly) wonderful.
What I’m struggling with now is my tendency (actually, a need) to get at least a little emotionally involved on some level of the D/S dynamic. I can’t help it, and to some extent I don’t want to, although I completely realise it’s not healthy in the long term.
I have hurt people, and been hurt.
I don’t think I’m ever going to be able to switch off my desire to have someone know me and command me, know me, control me utterly. It’s fantasy, forbidden, and a fundamental part of my psyche and what makes me sexually submissive.
I don’t think I’m ever going to be able to switch off my desire to have someone know me and command me, know me, control me utterly. It’s fantasy, forbidden, and a fundamental part of my psyche and what makes me sexually submissive.
I do think, however, that I need to better distinguish between paying for a sexual D/S service, and paying as a means of obtaining an emotional connection. The two have become unhelpfully blurred recently, and I don’t like that feeling.
I can’t decide whether maintaining these boundaries would have been easier if I had come to the community 20 years ago. Do I still have time to learn the ropes?
I would love to walk away, but I know I can’t (and don’t want to). But I do think I need to be more discriminate, and more honest, in my interactions with dommes here in the future.
I’ll probably be more limited in my engagements and posting, in the future, but hopefully more honest too.
Thanks for listening. DMs are open.
Femdom • Findom • Submissive • Dominatrix • Domme •
Thanks for listening. DMs are open.
Femdom • Findom • Submissive • Dominatrix • Domme •
