Why are we so lonely? One can begin to articulate indefinitely. But I believe that one of the major reasons is that we have over-sexualized everything.

A simple joke can turn into an obscene narrative. Two men hugging one another can send out mixed messages. Why? Because long ago, we decided to accept the premise that intimacy and tenderness are erotic categories reserved for the married or the immoral.

We are poorer because we allowed this to become the prevailing ethos of our culture.

I remember well growing up in South America and seeing female friends walking around holding hands, sisters and brothers held hands in public also; men greeted women with a kiss, and men gave one another big monstrous hugs as a public sign of affection.

I did not think twice about their masculinity or femininity. It was natural. Even now, when I return to my home country, it takes me a day or two to adjust because I, too, have accepted the strange assertion that intimacy and tenderness belong only in particular categories.

The side-effects of an oversexualized society that it is more alone than ever is that are the most connected society that has ever existed, and yet we are the most drugged, the loneliest, and the most comfortable with being drugged and lonely.

If you read letters only 100 years ago between friends, let’s say Bonhoeffer’s exchanges with Eberhard you very quickly get a sense that we don’t live in those times anymore. We are far removed from the words of affection of those two men men because we do not treasure intimacy.

In fact, we fear it. It is rare thing for a man to say to another man, “I love you.” Social distancing only confirms our love for the self. In this season, we have decided that relational poverty is our mode of operation.