let me rant, thank u

- a long thread

i might trigger you if you read the other parts of this thread sorry

- pls don't judge
- let me rant for once thank u
- again, i might trigger you sa ibang parts, but idk, i guess its not pretty deep? (:

my mom only question me being a kpop fan kapag bumaba ang grades ko sa school which is normal naman na magkaroon ng mababang grades kapag nahihirapan ka, my situation is not the same as my classmates, idk if they understand me though +

+ ayon nga, ayoko sana mag rant but i feel like sharing this kasi ang hirap ikimkim, I'm dealing so much stress kapag school days, i have to deal, me being late every single day (no jk), people may or may not judge me bc of it...me questioning my knowledge in school +

+ and stressing out bc i feel like i am not enough, not talented, not pretty, not smart and etc. i keep my smiling and jolly face in school to hide the pain, but i cry sometimes kapag sobrang nahihirapan na talaga ko. there was a time na i cried sa classroom bc i was so late +

+ my teacher was there, my classmates were there, they were asking me whats the prob, my aunt saw me, but i never told them the reason why, pero sabi ko nga, i cried bc i was late, maliit na bagay? no, it isn't. it's a big deal for me. araw-araw akong late, it became a joke +

+ to our fam na oks lang malate sa school kasi teacher naman auntie namin and she have a high title in the school, but for me, kahihiyan saakin yon, i was thinking na ppl will say bad abt me, sasabihin na wala lang sakanya yon kase pamangkin ng principal and all, +

+ sometimes nga iniisip ko kong anong sasabihin ng mga teachers abt me. kapag bumaba ang grades ko, they'll question me, "bakit maliit ang marka mo?", they'll be shocked, for sure i got compared from my friends gaya ng pagkukumpara ng pamilya ko kapag mababa ang marka +

+ na nakuha ko and blame kpop and wp abt it, which is sila naman talaga ang reason ko kong bakit pa ako lumalaban, sila ang dahilan kong bakit nakukuha ko pang maging masaya despite dealing with all these problems. i really want to die, pero ewan di ko magawang +

+ alam niyo na...kaya sobrang sakit kapag dinadawit nila ang mga faves ko sa mga bagay na hindi naman dapat nila isinasali. they'll call me oa, i won't mind, i know myself better than them. compare me to other children? okay, it may hurt but i shouldn't focus on that +

+ i should focus more on loving myself. that's what my faves taught me. nasa-proseso panga lang ako, bc i am still trying to accept who i am. may times kasi na i question my worth, which is not good...kaya baby steps muna tayo. loving yourself isn't easy, it takes time. +

+ may times na sa sobrang hirap gusto ko na mag let go, but thanks to my faves who always remind me that there is more in life na hindi ko pa nae-experience. gaya ng concert haha! so whoever's reading this, laban lang tayo, we'll have our happy ending soon.

thanks for reading if you're, nandito parin ang bigat, but good thing i shared this with y'all. idk if my irl friends will see this, if they do, then hello! ako pala itong kaibigan niyong puro advice pero ang hirap i-apply sa sarili. mahal ko kayo!

if u need someone to talk with, pls don't hesitate to dm me bc i would love to talk with u. pls, pls, share and seek help, huwag niyong ikimkim lahat, mag labas din kayo ng problema sometimes. ingat kayo lagi. i love y'all. end ^^