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Dear NT: When I'm feeling rejected (RSD), sometimes I know it's irrational. It doesn't mean I can stop it.
What doesn't help: "don't worry, it will be fine!" (I know, I still feel like shit), "but no one rejected you!" (no shit). Pity and reassurance don't usually help. 1/
What doesn't help: "don't worry, it will be fine!" (I know, I still feel like shit), "but no one rejected you!" (no shit). Pity and reassurance don't usually help. 1/
What helps:
- Give me space to talk my feelings out. Often, I don't know why I'm feeling like that. Giving me the space to talk makes my self insight get better, and alleviates rejection.
- Use small questions to encourage my thinking process if I'm having a hard time. 2/
- Give me space to talk my feelings out. Often, I don't know why I'm feeling like that. Giving me the space to talk makes my self insight get better, and alleviates rejection.
- Use small questions to encourage my thinking process if I'm having a hard time. 2/
- Don't ask about it insistently, specially if everyone else is asking too. If I'm working on it, too much insistence might make it worse. But...
- If I'm not making progress, check in so I don't ignore it and bury it forever. It can cause long lasting anxiety and distress. 3/
- If I'm not making progress, check in so I don't ignore it and bury it forever. It can cause long lasting anxiety and distress. 3/
- If it's a group of friends, make sure only one of you asks. Then ask if I want you to tell them about it and/or please ask them to not bombard me with questions. They can still show support and love, that helps.
- Above everything, listen and let me do the talking. 4/
- Above everything, listen and let me do the talking. 4/
ADHDers are so used to being called oversensitive, exaggerated, dramatic, "too much"... well intentioned compassion and pity often comes across as belittling, undermining and shaming. It's a lifelong trauma that runs deep and has terrible consequences on our mental health. 5/
Most tries of "cheering up" come across as toxic positivity or invalidation of our feelings, even if it's not the intention. This rings true in most cases, but we're specially susceptible to it due to our past history. 6/
RSD is like a tidal wave. We don't see it coming, and by the time we realize we're neck high with water. The best we can do is try to not drown. It will eventually go down. Just, don't tell me "it's not so bad" when you're on a helicopter above the wave. 7/
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