Last night, my 5th grader broke. He has been telling me he’s getting his online schoolwork completed, and he never lies so I had no reason not to believe him. He has ADD, but does GREAT in school (in a classroom). Come to find out, he’s not doing any of it. 1/

I was using old tactics to incentivize schoolwork completion, like “If you aren’t doing your work, no computer games.” He said, sobbing, “I couldn’t tell you I wasn’t doing it because you would take my games away & then I would lose EVERYTHING.” Gaming is his social outlet. 2/

I felt like the WORLD’S WORST PARENT. He was terrified of being held back because I’ve said things like “if you don’t complete your work, you’ll get held back!” (knowing full well he would not.) I emailed the school counselor, who called us at 8pm, ten minutes later. 3/

She had some very wise words: “Our old ways of doing things, including parenting, have been tossed out the window.” My “incentives” weren’t helping, they were hurting. She promised he wouldn’t be held back, & said the school principal would call if he needed more convincing. 4/

I have EDS & possible adrenal tumors. I feel like hell most of the time. Homeschooling 3 kids is VERY hard for me. I was focusing mostly on the younger two. The school counselor said she thought these sorts of lessons are helpful, and trying to be perfect is more detrimental. 5/

He was very worried about a big project he hadn’t done. She said “let’s just put this in perspective. It’s a 5th grade Social Studies project. In the grand scheme of things, the world isn’t going to end if it’s not completed.” I really appreciated this approach. 6/

I felt better after the phone call, and I’m going to work at improving the lines of communication with my son. I hated that he felt he couldn’t come to me. These are unprecedented times, and our old ways of parenting may no longer be appropriate. Check in with your kids! End/