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Today was a lot.
I had many different conversations, the most long winding one being about the difference between emotions & disorders. We& #39;re learning more about mental & emotional health & we& #39;ve gone from disregarding & never talking about feelings, to talking about them a lot.
I had many different conversations, the most long winding one being about the difference between emotions & disorders. We& #39;re learning more about mental & emotional health & we& #39;ve gone from disregarding & never talking about feelings, to talking about them a lot.
We& #39;re becoming better at identifying & expressing our feelings. From being ashamed to admit to struggling, we& #39;ve become comfortable with openly discussing diagnoses. The battle to end stigma appears to be largely successful. People are getting help & it& #39;s really great to see that
With that, has also come pathologizing, with people self diagnosing & labeling normal emotions as disorders. And people want that to stop cos it can be harmful. I get that. Then there are those who mock people who admit to struggling for not being strong enough. I don& #39;t get that.
To those who worry about mislabelling, my question is what would you like people to do differently? To not call themselves anxious or depressed if they& #39;ve not been diagnosed? Even if their repertoire is limited? Should they not use the words they know? Would you prefer silence?
If I had to choose between the accuracy of a person& #39;s clinical language & normalizing their experience, I& #39;d choose the latter. Because that concern about their choice of words is secondary to my concern for their well being. I& #39;ll listen first. Instead of being dismissive.
The difference between "I have anxiety" & "I feel anxious" might be significant to you, but not to the person who& #39;s just learning about Emotional Granularity. I& #39;ve been showing clients the emotion wheel a lot lately & people are shocked so many feelings exist. They did not know.
Perhaps we can do both. Teach people to label their feelings accurately, while also teaching them that feeling anxious =/= having an anxiety disorder. Sometimes we have to prioritize though, I get that. Being dismissive is not my preferred choice.
Now to those who think people are weak for admitting they struggle, I don& #39;t have anything to say to you. I do hope though, that when this strength you have that makes you think people who struggle deserve contempt wanes, you don& #39;t let shame keep you from asking for help yourself.
Here& #39;s the feeling wheel I was referring to. Most of my clients express shock when I show it to them. "Coach G, you mean I can feel all these feelings?!
https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🤯" title="Exploding head" aria-label="Emoji: Exploding head">"
We& #39;re capable of feeling ALL these feelings as part of our human experience but most of us don& #39;t even know. Nobody taught us
We& #39;re capable of feeling ALL these feelings as part of our human experience but most of us don& #39;t even know. Nobody taught us
"We& #39;re capable of feeling ALL these feelings as part of our human experience but most of us don& #39;t even know. Nobody taught us" title="Here& #39;s the feeling wheel I was referring to. Most of my clients express shock when I show it to them. "Coach G, you mean I can feel all these feelings?!https://abs.twimg.com/emoji/v2/... draggable="false" alt="🤯" title="Exploding head" aria-label="Emoji: Exploding head">"We& #39;re capable of feeling ALL these feelings as part of our human experience but most of us don& #39;t even know. Nobody taught us" class="img-responsive" style="max-width:100%;"/>
We should& #39;ve learned that feelings are normal but we didn& #39;t. Being anxious or sad or mad doesn& #39;t mean that there& #39;s something wrong with us. We& #39;re supposed to feel our feelings. And label them. This is step 1 of emotional intelligence. It& #39;s not an innate skill, it& #39;s a learned one.
From the person who feels a feeling, doesn& #39;t know how to label it & immediately concludes that they have a disorder. To the person who hears someone label a feeling accurately & because they& #39;re unfamiliar with emotional granularity, concludes the person is defective or weak.
We can all benefit from learning. It requires admitting we don& #39;t know everything though. And recognizing that, while our instinctive reaction may be to mock/shut down new ideas, we& #39;re hurting ourselves by refusing to learn new things.
Feel your feelings, guys. Allow yourself.
