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Today was a lot.
I had many different conversations, the most long winding one being about the difference between emotions & disorders. We're learning more about mental & emotional health & we've gone from disregarding & never talking about feelings, to talking about them a lot.
I had many different conversations, the most long winding one being about the difference between emotions & disorders. We're learning more about mental & emotional health & we've gone from disregarding & never talking about feelings, to talking about them a lot.
We're becoming better at identifying & expressing our feelings. From being ashamed to admit to struggling, we've become comfortable with openly discussing diagnoses. The battle to end stigma appears to be largely successful. People are getting help & it's really great to see that
With that, has also come pathologizing, with people self diagnosing & labeling normal emotions as disorders. And people want that to stop cos it can be harmful. I get that. Then there are those who mock people who admit to struggling for not being strong enough. I don't get that.
To those who worry about mislabelling, my question is what would you like people to do differently? To not call themselves anxious or depressed if they've not been diagnosed? Even if their repertoire is limited? Should they not use the words they know? Would you prefer silence?
If I had to choose between the accuracy of a person's clinical language & normalizing their experience, I'd choose the latter. Because that concern about their choice of words is secondary to my concern for their well being. I'll listen first. Instead of being dismissive.
The difference between "I have anxiety" & "I feel anxious" might be significant to you, but not to the person who's just learning about Emotional Granularity. I've been showing clients the emotion wheel a lot lately & people are shocked so many feelings exist. They did not know.
Perhaps we can do both. Teach people to label their feelings accurately, while also teaching them that feeling anxious =/= having an anxiety disorder. Sometimes we have to prioritize though, I get that. Being dismissive is not my preferred choice.
Now to those who think people are weak for admitting they struggle, I don't have anything to say to you. I do hope though, that when this strength you have that makes you think people who struggle deserve contempt wanes, you don't let shame keep you from asking for help yourself.
Here's the feeling wheel I was referring to. Most of my clients express shock when I show it to them. "Coach G, you mean I can feel all these feelings?!
"
We're capable of feeling ALL these feelings as part of our human experience but most of us don't even know. Nobody taught us
"We're capable of feeling ALL these feelings as part of our human experience but most of us don't even know. Nobody taught us
We should've learned that feelings are normal but we didn't. Being anxious or sad or mad doesn't mean that there's something wrong with us. We're supposed to feel our feelings. And label them. This is step 1 of emotional intelligence. It's not an innate skill, it's a learned one.
From the person who feels a feeling, doesn't know how to label it & immediately concludes that they have a disorder. To the person who hears someone label a feeling accurately & because they're unfamiliar with emotional granularity, concludes the person is defective or weak.
We can all benefit from learning. It requires admitting we don't know everything though. And recognizing that, while our instinctive reaction may be to mock/shut down new ideas, we're hurting ourselves by refusing to learn new things.
Feel your feelings, guys. Allow yourself.
