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Tarot cards as bad pagan ex boyfriends:
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The Fool
-new to paganism, calls it the “one true religion”
-probably Sagittarian
-only cares about the aesthetic
-all talk, no substance
-dumps you for a newb he can condescend to about pagan stuff he’s only just learned himself
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The Fool
-new to paganism, calls it the “one true religion”
-probably Sagittarian
-only cares about the aesthetic
-all talk, no substance
-dumps you for a newb he can condescend to about pagan stuff he’s only just learned himself
The Magician
-middle-aged Wiccan high priest
-only invites young girls into coven
-tries to talk them all into sex and being poly
-obsessed with the 5 fold kiss and great rite
-on disability or EI
-lives in a basement with his common law wife of 30 yrs
-you don’t talk about it
-middle-aged Wiccan high priest
-only invites young girls into coven
-tries to talk them all into sex and being poly
-obsessed with the 5 fold kiss and great rite
-on disability or EI
-lives in a basement with his common law wife of 30 yrs
-you don’t talk about it
The Emperor
-probably a mason
-is the leader or founder of a successful occult group
-has an actual career
-secretly wants to be a cult leader
-probably a sociopath
-dates women in the community but has a secret family
-probably a mason
-is the leader or founder of a successful occult group
-has an actual career
-secretly wants to be a cult leader
-probably a sociopath
-dates women in the community but has a secret family
The Lover
-the new age man
-are those Thai fisherman pants?
-makes his own kombucha
-no jobs, just schemes
-only into sex magic, tantra, and drugs
-at every entheogenic music festival
-thinks relationships are constructs and attachments are bad
-dumps you to attend an orgy
-the new age man
-are those Thai fisherman pants?
-makes his own kombucha
-no jobs, just schemes
-only into sex magic, tantra, and drugs
-at every entheogenic music festival
-thinks relationships are constructs and attachments are bad
-dumps you to attend an orgy
The Devil
-immediately tells you he’s into poly, bdsm, and paganism
-asks you to be his secondary gf
-wants to dominate you but is “between jobs” and asks for weed & rent money
-cheats constantly and gaslights all his gfs about it
-you never see him do anything spiritual
-immediately tells you he’s into poly, bdsm, and paganism
-asks you to be his secondary gf
-wants to dominate you but is “between jobs” and asks for weed & rent money
-cheats constantly and gaslights all his gfs about it
-you never see him do anything spiritual
The Heirophant
-ceremonial magician with a chip on his shoulder
-thinks Crowley is a god
-thinks he is a god
-thinks obsessing over obscure occult details is a personality
-you dump him after learning he’s really just a Burger King manager with a coke habit
-ceremonial magician with a chip on his shoulder
-thinks Crowley is a god
-thinks he is a god
-thinks obsessing over obscure occult details is a personality
-you dump him after learning he’s really just a Burger King manager with a coke habit
The Hermit
-occultist, hermeticist, or grimoire magician
-has no friends or close family
-sees patterns and connections in everything
-paranoid conspiracy theorist
-aliens
-chronically unemployed
-doesn’t brush teeth
-you can’t remember why you dated him
-occultist, hermeticist, or grimoire magician
-has no friends or close family
-sees patterns and connections in everything
-paranoid conspiracy theorist
-aliens
-chronically unemployed
-doesn’t brush teeth
-you can’t remember why you dated him
The Hanged Man
-hardcore Odinist
-if you don’t know the lore, you are worthless
-has a gym membership
-still thinks alpha wolves are real
-wants a “traditional wife”
-you dumped him when you found the Nazi memorabilia
-he stalked you for 8 months after
-hardcore Odinist
-if you don’t know the lore, you are worthless
-has a gym membership
-still thinks alpha wolves are real
-wants a “traditional wife”
-you dumped him when you found the Nazi memorabilia
-he stalked you for 8 months after
Death
-some kind of goth witch vampire, you’re not sure
-never smiles or jokes
-talks about death constantly
-thinks brooding is a personality
-nothing bad has ever happened to him
-says he’s too depressed to do household chores
-refuses therapy
-dumps you for someone more goth
-some kind of goth witch vampire, you’re not sure
-never smiles or jokes
-talks about death constantly
-thinks brooding is a personality
-nothing bad has ever happened to him
-says he’s too depressed to do household chores
-refuses therapy
-dumps you for someone more goth
Justice
-says he’s pagan but is just really hardcore into the SCA
-somehow simultaneously a nerd and jock
-spends more time on his armour and at events than with you
-spends more time gaming than with you
-dumps you for a medieval seamstress with a loom
-says he’s pagan but is just really hardcore into the SCA
-somehow simultaneously a nerd and jock
-spends more time on his armour and at events than with you
-spends more time gaming than with you
-dumps you for a medieval seamstress with a loom
Page of Wands
-the Druid f*ckboi
-always has the stick, even in the bedroom
-uses sensitive druidness to pick up “chicks”
-has no car, asks you for rides to all rituals
-“I wasn’t flirting, she was just interested in druidry”
-is totally cheating
-dumps you for LOTR elf larper
-the Druid f*ckboi
-always has the stick, even in the bedroom
-uses sensitive druidness to pick up “chicks”
-has no car, asks you for rides to all rituals
-“I wasn’t flirting, she was just interested in druidry”
-is totally cheating
-dumps you for LOTR elf larper
Page of Pentacles
-the witch f*ckboi
-young, hot, and knows it
-has a harem always around him
-doesn’t date, only has sex
-claims to be a knowledgable and powerful witch
-“dark magic” *jazz hands*
-is a loser college drop out living with his parents
-works at a call centre
-the witch f*ckboi
-young, hot, and knows it
-has a harem always around him
-doesn’t date, only has sex
-claims to be a knowledgable and powerful witch
-“dark magic” *jazz hands*
-is a loser college drop out living with his parents
-works at a call centre
Page of Swords
-sir stabs-a-lot
-sword fighting is life
-swords somehow = paganism
-hugs are somehow sharp
-probably into reinacting and/or steampunk
-knows outdated laws that let them carry swords in public
-spends more time at practice than with you
-sir stabs-a-lot
-sword fighting is life
-swords somehow = paganism
-hugs are somehow sharp
-probably into reinacting and/or steampunk
-knows outdated laws that let them carry swords in public
-spends more time at practice than with you
Page of Cups
-the sensitive pagan boi
-not spiritual so much as does lots of love spells
-probably a Pisces, Cancer or Taurus
-unicorn rubber mask
-probably “the naked guy” in your community
-chases after women who don’t like him
-cries on your shoulder then asks you out
-the sensitive pagan boi
-not spiritual so much as does lots of love spells
-probably a Pisces, Cancer or Taurus
-unicorn rubber mask
-probably “the naked guy” in your community
-chases after women who don’t like him
-cries on your shoulder then asks you out
