Mostly happy to finally get a long-overdue root canal surgery. Would love to shout out to my endodontist, but sadly he’s not on Twitter. Instead I’ll bring awareness to #ptsd due to medical #trauma and how it relates to my career in #healthcare #improvement

2/ I do not have anxiety, but medical procedures do put me on edge if I suspect they may cause pain. Sharp, surprising pain in a clinical setting is my trigger to a full-fledged flashback and panic attack. When I was 5 years old,

3/ I was playing with a Matchbox car, rolling it up and down the cheap paneling that served as walls in the house where I grew up. I managed to drive a bunch of splinters under my left thumbnail.

4/ My mom was furious with me and did not gracefully resign herself to taking me to the emergency room, as it was on a weekend night, of course. Already, my emotions were high with the pain and the shame.

5/ Long story short, mostly because no one has ever really been able to piece the story together in a coherent way, the charge nurse decided the splinters had to be removed immediately. And there were no options for anasthesia.

6/ So I was laid back into a table and surrounded by a number of adults, most (I think) nurses, and my mother. They held me down while the charge nurse shoved tweezers under my thumbnail over and over and over.

7/ I don’t think I need to explain I was hysterical. In the end, the nurse didn’t even get all the splinters out. Now, let’s also talk about #neglect for a moment, as well as #accesstocare

8/ I grew up in a poor family. My mother struggled to give me (and my sisters) a better life than she had, and in many respects, she succeeded. But both of my parents were often neglectful of me, usually where it concerned health and always around #dentalcare

9/ My mother had valid reasons for distrusting medical providers, but I have had terrible dental outcomes as a result. All of my molars and biscuspids have fillings. I didn’t have wisdom teeth removed until I was 25, and that followed my 1st root canal surgery at 22,

10/ that I paid for out of pocket as a full-time college student. I put student loan payments on hold for 2 years to catch up on all my delayed dental care. Sometimes I’m angry with my parents. But having paid for this work myself, I also understand why they chose not to do it.

11/ I’ve lost count of the root canal surgeries I’ve had. The fillings are old silver amalgam and most of them are large, making my teeth fragile. On top of that, I have bruxism, so they crack. My ask of all #dentists and their hygienists and assistants:

12/ Please never judge people like me who try very hard to take care of themselves in spite of their upbringing. And to all #providers, please partner with patients to understand how to improve outcomes, including tackling the hard problems around access to care. /end