As it’s Mental Health Awareness Week, and in the hope that this might help someone, here’s a bit about my own journey with depression

#ItsOkNotToBeOk #MentalHealthAwarenessWeek

Here’s a photo of me in October 2019, during one of my first prolonged spells of ‘feeling naff’.

The technical term for this condition, I would later find out, is depression.

Note the lack of joy behind the eyes and, crucially, the attempt at a smile.

That time, like the other times in my life I’d felt this way, I just kind of gritted my teeth and got on with it.

My lovely wife took me for a weekend away to cheer me up, I kept going to work, I kept exercising.

One of the main things that I did was try to keep smiling.

This is because, as you may have learned, I’m LIAM SMITH.

One of the things that people expect of LIAM SMITH, I thought, was laughter and stupidness.

LIAM SMITH is always joking around.

Good things did start to happen - my sister gave birth to a beautiful baby, and my wife told me she was pregnant too

I was running my own business doing social media, and working at @MyDoncaster part time too.

All these things did, though, was bury the problem.

In January 2020, it all came crashing down.

Things kind of kicked off when one of my cats went missing. Here’s the last photo I took of the little legend.

This might seem like a trivial thing to you, but let me tell you this:

You can never be sure of what is holding someone’s world together.

For me my cats, my home, my wife - these are my safe place where I can relax and be myself.

Fred going missing smashed right through it.

Before I knew it, I was feeling worse than I ever had. My ‘naff’ feeling was back with a vengeance, but this time had become full-blown shite.

Still, I tried to plow ahead.

Luckily, I’ve never been caught up in toxic masculinity - this wasn’t me trying to ‘be a man’, or any of that bullshit.

It was simply me trying to fulfill the role I thought everyone needed me to play - the happy, funny joker.

I think the most courageous thing I have ever done was to FINALLY open up to my colleagues at @MyDoncaster in February 2020 about how I was feeling.

I’m not ashamed to admit I was in tears at work on more than one occasion - and those wonderful people helped me.

Taking a moment to say that you don’t want to feel like this forever is the most empowering feeling ever.

Let me tell you - it works, too.

After my step of getting the ball rolling, I started doing things I never thought I’d do.

I went to the doctors and got anti-depressants (something I’d been determined never to do, for some reason).

I truly opened up to a wonderful therapist.

I had time off work.

It can feel like a LONG process, but it is WORKING. It can work for you too.

Mental health is something I am still managing day to day, and will do for the rest of my life - but it is absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.

So, in true @MyDoncaster style - what are the lessons from this story?

1) You don’t have to be anything.

Just learn about yourself, learn why you feel the way you feel, and then just BE.

2) Whoever you are, I absolutely, 100%, definitely, absolutely, totally know that you have a shit-load of amazing people in your life who want the best for you

Letting them help you is SUCH an amazing feeling. Honestly. Try it.

3) There’s no such thing as weakness when it comes to this - it’s all strength.

4) The one scary bit is having that first conversation about your feelings.

Whether it’s at work, at the doctor, to your family, to your partner, or in the middle of this week’s zoom quiz with your friends.

Take that first step, and the rest of the journey sorts itself out.

5) You’re the best and I love you.