Serious question bothering me at 3:53 a.m.

I enjoy dry wit and revel in light-hearted riposte. I do not, however, appreciate snark.

Sometimes I hear Christian brothers excuse snark or aggressive name calling/obsessive criticism with “Nowhere does God tell us to be nice.” >

I’ve heard some variation of this a few times before. Often in the context of a snarky criticism or response.

“God tells us to love one another, but that doesn’t mean being ‘nice.’”>

But my question to those who justify their speech in this way is this:

What then, is meant in biblical exhortations to be gentle in speech? >

“To speak evil of no one, to avoid quarreling, to be gentle, and to show perfect courtesy toward all people.” Titus 3:2>

Perfect courtesy in speech?
Speaking evil of no one?

How could this possibly describe the mean-spirited criticisms directed at people around here (e.g., the “big Eva” comments, the eye roll emojis, the constant targeting of things we don’t like)? >

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.” Gal. 5:22-23

What is gentleness and kindness if not genuinely nice or kind speech? >

Obviously, this doesn’t have to entail agreement, but when can we learn to give brothers and sisters the benefit of the doubt before we assume they are sinful, devious heretics?

Can we at least be gentle in our criticisms? >

As I read it, snark is an indication of the flesh at work—not the fruit of the Spirit. >

“Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, ... sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable ... not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome”

How do respectability and not being quarrelsome align with pointed, online ranting and bullying? /