What your university says about you: LONDON EDITION

UCL: You’re either an international student coming in with full designer drip, or a posh kid who thinks Central London is ‘ends’. You’ve never had a convo without mentioning that UCL is ranked 8th in the world.

LSE: Arrogant but smart, you’re still salty you didn’t get into PPE at Oxford. Linkedin is your favourite social media (you love an internship application, or 100).

Kings: Lets be real, you wanted to go to UCL, but you couldn’t get in. Dry personality to match your dry course content. This was deffo your insurance. Why is your campus in worst part of central London, Strand?

SOAS: You thought you were smart, but you ended up here through clearing. You protest about literally anything and your instagram stories are full of ‘fake woke’ nonsense. You’re looking at a future of unemployment.

Imperial: You’re probably unable to talk to the opposite sex, and most of you have never set foot in a club. You’re probably very rich too, your local supermarket is Waitrose after all.

Queen Mary: You deffo looked at the easiest Russell Group to get into, and you ended up in the capital of South Asia, Mile End. Are you sure you left school, because your campus looks like a sixth-form and everyone acts like it.

City: Unless you’re here to do journalism, you’re pretty much an average joe. Not much else to say about you, you’re probably just a bit bland.

UAL: I’d be surprised if you didn’t do a gap ‘yah’ travelling around South East Asia before you came here, or if you’re able to pass a drugs test. You exclusively wear vintage clothes, carry around a tote bag, and have a metal straw always with you.

Greenwich: You applied here and realised you have to use the DLR to get your uni, fat L. Your campus is far too grand for your below-average students.

Brunel: You only just qualify as a London uni, because let’s be real, who the hell lives in Uxbridge. You wanted the Midlands experience but didn’t wanna live in the Midlands, and probably failed at least 1 A-Level.

Royal Holloway: Your campus is pretty, but I don’t need to see it on my Instagram feed everyday. You probably also have a part-time job at Thorpe Park in the summer.

Westminster: I just wanna know, did you revise at all for your A-Levels, or decide to wing it? You deffo spent more time shopping on Oxford Street, than in your actual uni.

Birkbeck: Why. Night-time courses, really?

St. George’s: You got rejected from every other normal uni for Medicine, so you decided to make the sacrifice by going to uni in south London #SaveOurNHS