What's that you say?

You found eight still-sealed rolls of kitchen wallpaper dating from the 1960s, while clearing out a warehouse?

And they are for sale, at a very reasonable price?

I think you are mistaken!

They are not for sale - because I have just bought them from you.

The best thing about tracking down The Stock That Time Forgot is being surprised by attractive patterns that aren't the obvious "statement" designs (i.e., the ones endlessly rehashed by the retro industry).

Three sealed rolls of distilled 1971 (pic)?

Shut up and take my money!

On the other hand, this horrific remnant of the late 1960s (pic) must be based on lost Richard Scarry illustrations for the works of HP Lovecraft.

Can you imagine being surrounded by it?

I can't believe that even Charles Manson would have thought it a good idea to put this up.

Oh dear God, have only just noticed that each psychedelic giraffe forms a mirrored pair with a flayed version of itself. That really is fucked up.

I have found a 130-year-old roll of actual Victorian wallpaper! Not the poisonous type, so I won't be plotting any elaborate murders.

A bit tatty, but the pattern is intact. So I think that when I have the money I'll replicate it at one of those print-your-own-wallpaper outfits.

1972 called. They want their towels back. I told them to piss off.

Salt and pepper pots courtesy of 1978.

A dangerous flirtation with modernity, which I must keep in check.

(The rather grubby lacquered wooden surface in that photo is a coffee-table made from one of the last Elms in Bedfordshire. It was felled in 1977, during the Dutch Elm disaster, and turned into furniture by physical rehabilitation patients, in a local hospital's onsite workshop.)

Bank-counter style fountain pen is a 1959 souvenir of the Soviet Space programme, purchased behind the Iron Curtain, displayed here on a door curtain from 1974.

(Curtain not yet ironed. This is Twitter, not the Ideal fucking Home Exhibition.)

"Crying Onion" pot from 1967. There was a whole family of these ugly things (I remember beetroot and celery in particular), but I don't think I'll be trying to collect the set.