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found my unsent love note box from three years ago shall i expose myself
okay no dates, no specifics, but i’ll do this chronologically. just excerpts, one tweet per note.
collectively, it’s 2016-2019
“the party was fun. i held your hand, even if it was just to pass the sprite. it lingered a little too long. i left early, fresh from a fever. you called me and said you love me before you hung up. that’s funny. it’s strange, actually. i don’t think you’ll remember.”
“gym at four? like middle schoolers? tragic.”
“i like stars. but you’re a little more within my reach, like the moon. i think i like you, too.”
“we exchange hurried glances between hallway shuffling, nothing more. no one knows we’re best friends. i want to keep it like this. but i want to be with you, too — like at lunch or at games or anywhere else but parties. why do i wait for the parties?”
“you bought me coffee. everyone else steals my coffee. nobody ever buys me coffee.”
“there’s nothing more intimate than memorizing someone’s mcdonald’s order. thanks for remembering i like iced tea.”
“did you want to kiss me? too bad, dummy.”
“you should have told me on the balcony. not in an out-of-breath phone call at three in the morning.
still, it was nice. you’re allowed to keep me sleepless. i like you too, i really do.”
still, it was nice. you’re allowed to keep me sleepless. i like you too, i really do.”
“i’m not going to kiss you until i want to. i’m a woman like that.”
“you said you love me, you won’t hurt me, you’ll do your best — and then i had to go. i miss you already.”
“the snow is nice. i wish you were here.”
“i’m coming home. i’m coming home to you.”
“if you only love me on the phone, then you deserve to be alone. but i know you don’t, like i don’t. i love you all the time. the secrecy isn’t nice anymore.”
“i’m sorry i didn’t kiss you. it has to be perfect. like the movies. otherwise, i’m only betraying myself — and every twitch of my poor romantic heart.”
“have i ruined the first kiss before it’s been had?”
“that was a miracle, wasn’t it? our very own miracle. all the lights went out but our lamppost just as you hummed the last line. and you kissed me. wow. you really did. no stars to be seen anywhere, only the moon. no one will ever believe me.”
“okay sophia saw it happen so i have living proof. our miracle was real. i’m in absolute disbelief.”
“thank God, thank the heavens, thank you.”
“there’s a mark by your eye. it’s my favorite thing about you, i think. and when i realized that, i realized i love you. i really do, huh?”
“thank you for the tulips.”
“they were all watching us dance. they told me they’d never seen you like this before. someone said i make you soft. but you make me brave.”
“why don’t we dance more, baby?”
“embarrass me with your cheering like that again and maybe i’ll spike the volleyball on your face. just kidding. don’t break your nose again i love your nose. i love you.”
“my mom really likes you.”
“you’re such an idiot sometimes. but it’s okay. i have brain cells enough for the both of us.”
“i’m so proud of you. now come kiss me again i miss you.”
“please return my favorite hoodie. i have claimed it. it’s mine now. but wash it first so it smells like you.”
“we’re really just ‘mom and dad’ now, aren’t we? they’re never going to let that go.”
“you have our whole future planned and here i was thinking you were stuck in this moment.”
“you are my first thought in the morning, and my last before drifting off to sleep.”
“carry me like that more often. like you’re carrying me home.”
“oh no.”
“i’m sorry i’m loud. thank you for loving me.”
“i couldn’t breathe for a while. it’s been happening since i was two. i didn’t tell you. i’m sorry that scared you. i’m safe now.”
“i can hear my phone on the table. please stop calling for a bit, my love. it’s okay. i need the silence.”
“this happens sometimes. i should have told you. i love you too much.”
“i have to go now. but we’ll be okay. right?”
“the ‘kids’ wanted to have lunch with us. i told them when i’m back.”
“and the christmas coffee commemorates our season, it tastes like toffee and my first kiss. i love you.”
“i have forgotten how to do things without you. i am unsure if i want to remember.”
“you are my moonlight, my silver moonlight,
and in the darkness, you light my way...”
and in the darkness, you light my way...”
“growing up has always terrified me. thank you for talking me through the birthday mess. if there’s anyone i’m okay with growing up for, it’s you. i can grow old with you.”
“it hurts a lot. i don’t know what to do.”
“thank you for the food. you didn’t have to do that. tell me how school goes today, okay? i can’t see anyone yet. not for a while. but i miss you. i love you.”
“i don’t want to keep you tethered to me when i’m floating high above the ground, spiraling out into who-knows-where. i love you but i can’t feel much right now. you deserve better. i deserve rest.”
“i can’t feel anything. it’s dull. it’s numb. but i know i love you. i know that. i know that.”
“i will fix me. then we can fix we. i love you. i love you. i love you.”
“the streets here are cleaner. i haven’t been eating much. call me.”
“i think my goodbye hurt you more than my staying. please don’t be wintry. we’ll be alright.”
“she said she saw you there with someone else. were you there? please call me. i can’t reach you.”
“stop sending me messages. stop sending me ‘i love you’s. you know i want to hear your voice.”
“we’re in the middle, now. it hurts the most. you’re still my lock screen. i know i’m yours.”
“i didn’t want to fall. you told me to. we’ll be okay, right? we have to be.”
“first day of school. you didn’t even look at me. i know you saw me there. don’t send me messages, now. you’re still wearing my initials. stop confusing me.”
“today feels lighter. it’s been a week since we agreed on space. you said you’d try to remember to call me. i know you won’t. it’s okay.”
“i have to have faith. you’re still my best friend. it’s you and me. we’ll be okay.”
“today i’m better. i don’t catch myself looking for you as wildly as before. i don’t slip back there. i don’t love you any less.”
“i think that i was really scared to risk losing you, but i realize now that if i haven’t lost you yet, then i won’t. maybe i never will. but if it’s otherwise, then i’ve lost you already, and the struggle is futile. i think i’ve found my peace in that.”
“the fish passed away.”
“last night was strange. other people are trying to love me, now. i don’t like that. i don’t love you any less.”
“happy birthday. i spent four hours writing and rewriting a letter for you. i’m terrified. i don’t want to mess up what little we have left.”
“you held me close. you stayed. you pressed kisses on my head. you kissed me back. so why couldn’t i stop crying?”
“you brushed past me like i wasn’t there, and i broke. you’re kinder than that. i know you are.”
“my friends held me on the bathroom floor. they’re keeping me safe. i forgive you.”
“i’m going on the trip, i’m not going to let you stop me. if you just spoke to me everything would be fine. but you’re making the whole damn school pick sides. yesterday i heard someone say, ‘are you team mom, or dad?’. i feel sick.”
“he called me at two am. ‘mama, are you coming?’, i said ‘yes’, he said, ‘okay. checking for dad.’ but i know he’s lying. he wants us to fit in the end, you know?”
“i don’t love you any less. why don’t i love you any less.”
“we almost got ‘parent-trapped’. why are we always like a film? the ‘kids’ got together and planned behind our backs. they stuck us in a room. you wouldn’t even look at me. i just want to go home.”
“i will leave you behind. i will. six months left. but you have too much pride.”
“my birthday party was planned a year ago. you are still in the music. you are still at my table. you are still in the printed invitations and every important list. i can’t remove you. you’re stained there permanently.”
“your friends say i’m too kind. i hear you’re less kind now. please be kinder, for me.”
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“i can’t believe he’s gone. thank you for holding me. you know better than anyone of the hell i went through with him. thank you for calling. thank you for checking up. we’ll be alright. we’ll be alright.”
“i don’t love you any less. i only love you differently.”
the end.
i’m deleting the last few parts in a while because i keep forgetting this is a much bigger account than it used to be but i love you and there’s a wild story huh
and just in case you doubt me here they are agsjdgjsgs
and you might want to check out tyl again now that you know the whole story 
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“i am like a wave, i know it hurts —
but i slam against the sand, and then again, i never learn.
only the moon could pull me in.
but now that he has gone,
it all feels wrong.
still, i long for him.”
but i slam against the sand, and then again, i never learn.
only the moon could pull me in.
but now that he has gone,
it all feels wrong.
still, i long for him.”
i found the last letter. i forgot it all ended this way.
“you kissed me in the rain. i walked away. always still a movie. why are we like this?
i leave next week. i know it was the last time. that’s okay.
i’ll be seeing you. think of me fondly, maybe. or not at all.”
“you kissed me in the rain. i walked away. always still a movie. why are we like this?
i leave next week. i know it was the last time. that’s okay.
i’ll be seeing you. think of me fondly, maybe. or not at all.”