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I wanna make a new pinned thread about my mental health, both as a small step to help normalize talking about mental health issues, and possibly leading to people understanding why I sometimes act the way I do.
I want to go over my issues, what they are, and how they affect me.
I want to go over my issues, what they are, and how they affect me.
I have two official diagnoses in the form of severe depression and avoidant personality disorder.
For my depression, I have followed extensive talk therapy and attempted CBT, both of which only had minor effect. I take the antidepressant Citalopram to lessen symptoms.
For my depression, I have followed extensive talk therapy and attempted CBT, both of which only had minor effect. I take the antidepressant Citalopram to lessen symptoms.
Depression feels like I can& #39;t control my mood. A bit of pressure is enough to break it. Whenever this happens, I always feel a wave of sadness coming over me, and I become passive and reclusive. Other times, I just feel nothing. Empty. It& #39;s like constantly staring at a wall.
Avoidant personality disorder makes me reclusive. It can be considered an extreme form of social anxiety. But it goes beyond social interaction.
Avoidant tendencies can be a lot of things. It& #39;s basically avoiding ANY situation that can lead to unwanted stimuli.
Avoidant tendencies can be a lot of things. It& #39;s basically avoiding ANY situation that can lead to unwanted stimuli.
Basically, if it is something that scares me or makes me anxious, I tend to avoid it. This is due to a few reasons:
- a severe fear of being judged
- a heavy feeling of inadequacy
- an intense fear of conflict
- Trust and abandonment issues.
- a severe fear of being judged
- a heavy feeling of inadequacy
- an intense fear of conflict
- Trust and abandonment issues.
If this feels relatable, I have an example.
During an exam, I am worried other people are looking at my test as I make it. I am not afraid of them cheating off of me. I am afraid that they might see I wrote an answer wrong, and they will see me as a moron and failure.
During an exam, I am worried other people are looking at my test as I make it. I am not afraid of them cheating off of me. I am afraid that they might see I wrote an answer wrong, and they will see me as a moron and failure.
This is a result of fear of being judged and feelings of inadequacy. It& #39;s also an example of HOW deep it runs, and not being limited to being shy or quiet in social situations.
It does affect sociality, though. On Twitter, I can& #39;t DM. It& #39;s too confrontational and direct for me.
It does affect sociality, though. On Twitter, I can& #39;t DM. It& #39;s too confrontational and direct for me.
The entire reason I am on Twitter and tweet things is to break and overcome a barrier. It was a big step for me. It still is a big step for me. It still makes my heart race. I still fear sharing my opinion in tweets, or going into discussions in fear of conflict.
However, it has definitely done good things. I am talking to a lot of people. Some I know better than others. I am sharing my thoughts to the outside world, no matter how minor. I am openly revealing myself in ways I otherwise never do.
Twitter is a new way for me to express myself. However, my mental health issues are still present, and no matter how I look, there is a very scared and nervous person behind this screen, just trying her best. Sometimes I slip up. All I can do then is pick myself up again.
As a last one, I would like to say I am aware there are things wrong with me. That it normally is okay to share your opinion. That not everyone is out to judge you or think badly of you.
Call it an irrational fear if needed. A mental block. My mind doesn& #39;t work as it should.
Call it an irrational fear if needed. A mental block. My mind doesn& #39;t work as it should.