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I have been contemplating discussing this topic for some time now. It's something I've started many times, but never completed or posted because it is quite difficult to express properly.
I want to start off with a disclaimer. This thread is the result of life-long introspection. https://twitter.com/anne_theriault/status/1258075900761067520
I want to start off with a disclaimer. This thread is the result of life-long introspection. https://twitter.com/anne_theriault/status/1258075900761067520
I'm not looking for advice on how to change myself and what I have learned about myself. I swear to god, if anyone offers to help me or advise me, I will block them.
I'm sharing part of my life's journey, and I think some may benefit,
I'm sharing part of my life's journey, and I think some may benefit,
because it appears many of you are sharing my world now. (Maybe some of you always have, and I just don't know it. It is an isolating world.)
So what is it?
I have no ambitions. I have no dreams. And I never have. I just.....
exist.
So what is it?
I have no ambitions. I have no dreams. And I never have. I just.....
exist.
When I read about entrepreneurs or other go-getters, life getters, whatever, I feel like I am reading about an alien species.
It's not that I don't have interests or past times. But I don't have many either. In some ways, because of this, life feels like a burden. A chore.
It's not that I don't have interests or past times. But I don't have many either. In some ways, because of this, life feels like a burden. A chore.
I feel trapped in a life that is just progressing to an eventual death. And this is were it gets difficult to convey, and understand for others.
I'm ready to die. I don't want to, but I'm ready. And there is an important distinction there. So don't get all panicked on me.
I'm ready to die. I don't want to, but I'm ready. And there is an important distinction there. So don't get all panicked on me.
I know what it's like to want to die. I've been there, dealt with it, and moved on. And I'm not there now. It just means death doesn't scare me. When it comes, I think I'm ready. (The actual event will be the true test. Time will tell. 
)
Understood? OK. Good.
Moving on.
)Understood? OK. Good.
Moving on.
I'm happy with my life. I'm content with what I have achieved. And that's what I mean by "I am ready to die." Anytime.
Like I said, I have no goals, and I have no ambitions. I never really set out to achieve anything,
Like I said, I have no goals, and I have no ambitions. I never really set out to achieve anything,
any of my accomplishments are because I was expected to do something with my life. So I'm done. I've done everything I set out to do.
This is a realization that took me a while to understand about myself.
This is a realization that took me a while to understand about myself.
Because the outside pressures to be something, to do something, to mean something, to accomplish are immense.
It's the only conversation we know how to have. Society's message to people is only ever "Work hard! Learn! Dream! Be productive! Do!"
But that's not who I am.
It's the only conversation we know how to have. Society's message to people is only ever "Work hard! Learn! Dream! Be productive! Do!"
But that's not who I am.
There is a contradiction here. I am good at what I do, and I will work hard, and work thoroughly to get things done. And get them done right.
I do take pride in my work. But it doesn't define me. To be honest, often I feel like I'm an actor in a play.
I do take pride in my work. But it doesn't define me. To be honest, often I feel like I'm an actor in a play.
I'm playing the part, but it isn't who I am. But what am I?
I... exist. I'm not anything, because I don't desire to be anything. And I have become content with that.
And that bothers the fuck out of people. I know some of you will be concerned about this.
I... exist. I'm not anything, because I don't desire to be anything. And I have become content with that.
And that bothers the fuck out of people. I know some of you will be concerned about this.
But please accept and understand that after a half century of living with myself, I know me pretty well. I've had lots of time to think about it, and try to change it.
This is who I am.
(At the very least, maybe you understand some of my tweets better.)
This is who I am.
(At the very least, maybe you understand some of my tweets better.)
So what is the point of all this? If you are feeling unmotivated, unambitious, like you're just drifting along....
Just. Existing.
I get it. I really, really do. And it's OK. When the time comes, you will likely change that. Because that is who you are.
Just. Existing.
I get it. I really, really do. And it's OK. When the time comes, you will likely change that. Because that is who you are.
And if it doesn't change, if you're more like me than you realize.
Then realize that each day, week or month will offer little gifts. The trick is to recognize them and embrace them.
Then realize that each day, week or month will offer little gifts. The trick is to recognize them and embrace them.
There's nothing wrong with living off simple pleasures. That's where I am.
You can make a life off that. And be content. And be at peace.
Because that I am also. I am content with who I am. And I am at peace with it. Make that your goal.
You can make a life off that. And be content. And be at peace.
Because that I am also. I am content with who I am. And I am at peace with it. Make that your goal.
Because if you accept yourself, you can accomplish anything.
Or nothing at all.
And that's OK. Be you. Be at peace.
Or nothing at all.
And that's OK. Be you. Be at peace.
And never let anyone tell you that who you are is not enough. That this time of crisis is better served bettering yourself or some other bullshit advice.
If you want to "better yourself", do it.
If you don't want to, don't.
If you want to "better yourself", do it.
If you don't want to, don't.
If you can step outside yourself, ponder yourself, and accept what you see, you're doing just fine. And give the finger to anyone that tells you otherwise.
Trust me. You're OK.
Trust me. You're OK.
