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I think an important factor of acknowledging your pain is recognizing why it hurts. When I do this, I find that I’m not mad/hurt by others, but my own preconceived notion of how things *should* be.
When I think of how things should be, I know that my worldview is going to be skewed by past trauma/mental illness. When I feel hurt, it’s easy for me to snap at anyone I feel has wronged me - but just because I perceive someone as a source of pain doesn’t mean they are.
BPD especially makes it easy for me to feel victimized, but a large part of growth (for me) is learning to trust that the people who love me are not out to get me. When I put things in that perspective, it becomes a little easier to navigate why I feel hurt.
I question myself a lot - whether I am a good person, friend, or even worthy of being alive - and I think it’s important that I take the time to remember how much I’ve grown as a person and how many successes I’ve had in navigating my own emotional turmoil.
My mom told me last night to never let anybody rob me of my self-respect. I’ve heard it a million times but it really hit different last night.
Nobody in the world has the power to tell you that they did/didn’t hurt you. Likewise, if someone tells you that you hurt them, you don’t get to decide that you didn’t. Pain is an incredibly personal and individualized experience that is valid in any scenario.
HOWEVER, it’s important to really look at that pain and determine where it really comes from and why it really hurts. I’ve found that when I feel hurt by those around me, it’s typically because I feel jealous or left out. It all goes back to abandonment for me.
I’m good at making mountains out of molehills, and I still have a few toxic traits that I’m working through, but I think that might be the biggest.
But for today, I’m choosing to acknowledge that the pain is real (but maybe misguided). I cannot change something that happened yesterday, or a week ago, or ten years ago. And my time is too precious to focus on that right now. I want to experience love and joy and happiness.
My graduation party is this evening and I am so excited to spend time with people I love (and who love me) and celebrate this really big accomplishment that I didn’t think I’d ever achieve. That’s what I’m focusing on today.
This thread might seem self-righteous and holier-than-thou and blah blah blah, and I guess it’s fine if you perceive it that way. Twitter is my diary basically, and this is how I process my shit, and I feel pretty damn good about life right now, and I just wanted to share that.
