so ayon hello magkakalat ako will delete din naman since main acc ‘to

tw!!!!! di ko alam ano tamang trigger warning for this pero it’s like,,, self-hate? self-degradation?

but well yeah anw if you follow me on ig you’ll see that i’ve cleaned my room myself after around 4(?) years, started baking breads, cooking breakfast for my fam everyday, and exercising sometimes.

it’s good! it’s great! my room looks better! my fam likes the breads!

sadly, it’s not self healing.

self-care and self-healing is supposed to make you feel better. calmer. composed.

but honestly, being in quarantine for me just means i have to confront the demons in my head and i have to face them. head on. unprepared.

every day for the past three weeks, i feel like my day was unproductive, like i didn’t do enough acads, didn’t do enough exercises, didn’t do my diet properly or whatever.

the things i’ve been doing for the past three weeks were ruining me.

as in it legit got to the point where i drank too much water, i exercised too much that my calves ached for days and i still ran, i ate less and less.

and i smiled through all of that infront of my family because i didn’t want them to worry.

i forced myself to do more until i can’t, because only then would it make my mind focus on something other than what happens as i sit in bed awake at midnight.

i’m not okay. i don’t know what to do. and i can’t pretend that i’m okay. not anymore.

i guess the point of this thread was just to say that it’s fine if you don’t do anything for a whole day or two. or a week. it’s okay. don’t force yourself to do anything. you shouldn’t have to.