I want to do a short thread about seeing men's attitude towards domesticity and gender roles from a unique perspective. I'm a heterosexual woman with ADHD, which is well-known for making people with it useless at domestic stuff, and I've lived with 3 men. This has taught me a lot

First, I'll quickly explain why ADHD makes me rubbish at domesticity: it's an executive functioning disability with dopamine deficiency, meaning my brain ignores anything boring and hurts if I do tedious things. I can't see the sequence housework should take and get overwhelmed.

I can't do delayed gratification, so the boredom of housework makes me very upset, and my mind is so fast and full that organisation is very difficult. I can't do 'transitions': moving from one task to another well. I have poor understanding of time so put things off indefinitely

So basically, I am like a crap 1950s husband and need a traditional wife! But I'm a modern woman and fancy men. My inability to do domestic stuff and organisation has wrecked 3 relationships, inc. losing me 'The One'. I can't say it makes my OH very happy either.

Because men, however egalitarian and unsexist they are consciously, receive the message from birth that women exist to serve them domestically. It doesn't matter what else I can bring to a relationship - and there is lots - what is unconsciously valued and expected is domesticity

However much housework and so on men are happy to do, even if it's 50% or more, there is a resentment and feeling of rejection in them that I don't do more, that I am not in control of domesticity, that it's not important to me, that I don't make it my domain. They feel unloved.

(As for 'The One', we were 23, at uni, and had planned to get married but he couldn't cope with how disorganised and chaotic I was in terms of 'adulting' and domesticity. He wanted someone to spend his life with but couldn't see it being normal and easy with me. He was right).

I don't see a solution to this for me, because I already do the best I can and it's terrible. What I do know is this: men have to do a hell of a lot of work on unpicking these unconscious expectations and entitlements, and only valuing women for gendered roles.

I should add this as a footnote: I have female friends online and in real life with ADHD, and all the ones who've been in relationships have identical stories to tell. I accept that Not All Men on this issue, but believe me, they are rare.