we're all tired. so let me recharge without making it about how i don't wanna check on you. it would be robotic. don't make me perform my love. now is not the time to question if i care. i'm still here aren't i? i don't need to be up your ass too. relax.

my family is doing a lot right now and it's really affecting me because i'm expected to soothe everyone's fear while no one considers how their fear causes them to enact harm. the act of creating safe distance with people who worry at a time like this ... a unique test.

but ya know ... the worst time to drain yourself is during a pandemic so ima just suck it up and tell them to chill and go do anything to manage their stress without my input. i cannot be your emotional life raft today. i need a moment to just exist w/o you seeing me as a helper.

i don't treat myself as a one dimensional helper so the way i get you to understand that too is to show you that this won't be the only way i show up in your life. my role is not always helper. that limits me. it's a box. no thank you.

"i just worry about you"

yes, i know. and it's still not a reason to try to control me. both exist. you can feel that way *and* i don't have to tolerate the behavior that comes from you acting on those feelings. your worry doesn't trump my autonomy as my own person.

i can't make you less anxious by not doing something when the only reason you are anxious is because you are zooming in on one in infinite possibilities for something you're not even doing. stop projecting danger onto my path. your view of my path is obstructed by your fear.

i empathize and also maintain my position that you can't use fear to get me to sabotage myself or hold myself back to make you feel more at ease. that's not love. you feel threatened by me taking chance to learn instead of proud. examine that.